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Home / Articles / News / News /  ‘A hand up’ for homeless Boulder couple
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Wednesday, November 21,2012

‘A hand up’ for homeless Boulder couple

Lexi Weaver’s due date is two weeks away, and for now, she’s still living on the street

By Joel Dyer
Photos by Joel Dyer
Lexi and Chris Weaver

The Weaver family is running out of time. And with a new addition due any day, things are getting pretty desperate. For Lexi, Chris and their two dogs, CJ and Mayday, there’s no room at the inn — at least no room that a homeless family like them can afford right now, even though they are saving every penny they can and trying to find work. Despite their efforts, a manger is starting to sound like a viable option.

As it stands right now, Lexi will be giving birth sometime in the next 10 to 20 days. She’s due in early December. That’s a pretty scary proposition for a 25-year-old woman living on the streets of Boulder in December when temperatures typically drop into the teens or single digits every night. Lexi hopes her child will be born with a roof over his or her head. She also wants her husband Chris by her side holding her hand, but the pair will need their luck to change for that to happen. They could use some help. “Not a handout, a hand up,” says Chris.

Few of us can even imagine what it must be like to be eight and a half months pregnant and sleeping on the cold, hard ground in winter, worrying continuously about what’s going to happen when the time finally comes, when the contractions are for real. And that torment isn’t Lexi and Chris’ only concern. It’s just another worry heaped on top of what to eat, how to keep safe and where to sleep so that the City of Boulder doesn’t write them a ticket for illegal camping, a ticket they can ill afford, especially now.

It’s easy to be judgmental. The couple hears the disapproving words and feels the condemnatory stares all the time. They’ve been told they shouldn’t be having a baby, and worse. Lexi says she’s been told she should abort her child or give it up for adoption because she’s homeless. It seems people in Boulder aren’t shy with their opinions. She says she also gets told that she should get away from Chris; just leave him because he isn’t providing for her.

To hear the pair describe it, Boulder’s sidewalk inquisition tends to be long on advice and short on understanding. Lexi and Chris wish people could understand that they are just a normal family, that they have chosen to be together and take care of one another and are doing the best they can in their circumstances.

Maybe it’s just not possible for most folks living more traditional lives to grasp what Lexi and Chris provide to one another. Maybe to understand the strength of their relationship and commitment, you have to know the paths they have traveled alone and together to get to where they are today.

Lexi has chosen to live outdoors for years. And while she says that she loves nature and the calming and artistic aspects it brings to her life, her choice is more a matter of her survival. Lexi has dreams, bad dreams.

“When I sleep inside,” she says. “I wake up screaming and have to get outside. I dream about women being raped and beaten, murdered. It’s terrible, blood everywhere. Even after I wake up I can smell and taste the blood, it’s so real.”

Lexi says the dreams are so frequent and horrific when she lives indoors that she decided years ago to just stay outside, on the street. She says she can handle the dreams better now that she’s with Chris. He calms her.

pregnant_woman.jpg

Lexi Weaver

When asked about the source of her dreams, Lexi shrugs shyly and says she isn’t sure why she has them. It’s clear that she doesn’t feel comfortable talking about her family or childhood. As a teenager she bounced around in foster homes in Utah until she came home one day and found her few belongings in the front yard of her last foster home and was told to beat it. Since then, it’s been the street for the most part. But still, those dreams come from somewhere.

When asked if she was sexually abused as a child, Lexi takes a long, uncomfortable pause, then says she isn’t sure and doesn’t want to know. She finally opens up a bit. She says, “My mom was a prostitute. My sister and I went to work with her every day when we were little. We watched everything she did. That could be part of it.”

It’s clearly difficult for Lexi to talk about. It’s safe to say that she’s had a challenging time in her young life, more challenging than most of us can imagine. Finding someone to share your life with when you’re too terrified to live indoors isn’t an easy proposition.

Lexi came to Boulder about three years ago. She met Chris hanging out on the Pearl Street Mall and liked him immediately. “He was really funny and nice,” she recalls. After checking with other friends who told her that Chris was a good guy and wouldn’t hurt her, Lexi decided to camp with Chris. She thought she could trust him and she knew she would be safer camping with him, and she was. But more than that, she quickly found that she enjoyed his company, and over time the two fell in love. They have rarely ever slept apart since that first night. “He takes really good care of me,” she says.

Chris is a pretty big guy. He’s 30 years old, a few inches north of six feet, with a dry sense of humor and a laugh that makes you want to join in. He grew up in Florida and he, too, has a pretty strained relationship with his family. Chris has had a variety of jobs in his life, including construction work and serving as a sous chef, which he says he really enjoys. Like Lexi, he embraces living outdoors, albeit for somewhat different reasons. He doesn’t have nightmares.

“I like living outdoors most of the time,” he says. “I like to say I’m home-free, not homeless.”

It’s fair to say that both Chris and Lexi are free spirits. Both are artists and sell their work on the street. They prefer selling art to panhandling. They say they like giving people something positive and beautiful. Lexi also reads poems and has worked with kids, leading reading groups and teaching crafts. The couple also shares a love for traveling. They still get around a fair amount, only now they do their sojourns as a family, including the dogs.

When Lexi first came to Boulder, she did so intending to meet up with a friend who had invited her to walk across America. The ultra-hike didn’t materialize, but still it speaks to her mindset when it comes to seeing new places.

heart_hands_woman.jpg

Lexi Weaver

In a perfect world, Chris and Lexi dream that one day their family, including their soon-to-arrive child, will travel the country in a food truck selling healthy dishes they’ll prepare using fresh, local ingredients from the region they’re visiting at the time. Such a lifestyle would fit well with Lexi’s need to be outdoors to escape her nightmares. It’s a nice dream, a great dream, really. And describing it seems to take the cold edge off of the morning for the pair as they sit outside of Alfalfa’s in their warmest clothes. There are still patches of snow on the ground, and it takes a while to shake off the night’s chill.

But this is not a perfect world, and these two expecting parents are also realists who, for now, would gladly trade their food-truck dream for a roof over their heads and a job for Chris. They understand the gravity of their situation better than you’d think, better than they want to. You see, they’ve been here before.

Just like now, a couple of years back, Lexi found out that she and Chris were expecting a child. Then, too, they were really excited about the prospect of raising a family, and they set out to find a home and settle down to parenting.

As Lexi begins to describe the birth of their first child, Chris steps away for a smoke as the tears begin to run down her cheeks. “The day little Chris was born was the most beautiful day ever,” she says. “We had him at home, in a little house we were living in, in Nederland. It was perfect. He was so beautiful.”

She wipes at the tears with her sleeve.

“Everything was going fine,” she says, “and then I noticed his feet started turning purple.”

Chris returns in time to add, “I thought he must be cold or something. I thought it was hypothermia because of the purple. I know what that looks like.”

They headed for the hospital, but it wasn’t hypothermia.

Little Chris had a strep infection throughout his newborn body. The couple claims he had also been exposed to deadly black mold that was growing in the house where he was born. Little Chris ended up at The Children’s Hospital, where he was placed into intensive care. Lexi tries to describe how the surgeons opened up her baby’s abdomen to try and get rid of the infection and mold. In the end she just says through her tears, “It looked so horrible.” At 10 days old, little Chris was gone. The couple’s first child had passed away.

Chris then recounts how the hospital called the couple the next day demanding $30,000. “They couldn’t even let a few days pass. The day after our baby dies,” he says emphatically, shaking his head, “they call to get their money … the day after.”

Lexi and Chris understand how important it is to be in an appropriate living situation when their second child is born in a matter of days. They want to stay together for the birth and after that as well. While both appreciate the places in Boulder that can help them to one degree or another — such as the homeless shelter and Mother House — they point out that most places aren’t geared to letting the couple stay together. Lexi says she can’t imagine not having Chris there to support her during and after the birth.

“I need him with me,” she says.

What they want is a place of their own to rent, a place where they can raise their child.

Chris says they haven’t saved quite enough to get into a place yet, but he hopes that they can put together the money they need before Lexi goes into labor. He says he could sure use a job, and fast.

Lexi and Chris may not be a family that resembles most of those in Boulder County. But they make no apologies for that. They have chosen to be together and have stayed together through difficulties and tragedies that would have broken up many couples living under more traditional and comfortable circumstances.

“I know we’ll make really good parents,” says Lexi. “People who know us say that too.”

Most of us will be celebrating our good fortune with our families this Thanksgiving. Lexi and Chris aren’t all that different. They will be celebrating their soon-to-be enlarging family as well this holiday, and hoping that better things are just ahead for them. We hope so too.

If you have any desire and ability to help out Lexi and Chris, you can contact them through Tom Cummins, who can be reached at a4sj123 (at) gmail or through Americans 4 Social Justice, P.O. Box 17356, Boulder, CO 80308.

Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com

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There's something like ten empty foreclosed homes for every one homeless person. Why doesn't This couple have one?

 

Hi Toby, You make an excellent point. I'm not sure if your question is rhetorical. If not, here's my take on it: The banks who are doing the foreclosing, along with the law firms, real estate agencies and many investors (in short, all involved in making profits off foreclosures) do not care about the homeless or the people they evict who often become homeless, including disabled veterans, people with terminal illnesses and families with young children. It's all about the financial bottom line and it's a very sad indicator of the level of greed which has taken hold in our country.

 

I tried to comment on my own but it wont let me so i am adding to the already made comments!! As I read the story above my heart was filled with such love and compassion! The tears fell and all I could do was bring this couple into my prayers!! Shame on anyone else who thinks it is their place to judge or be a judge! Who gives you the rights to be god, play god or judge as god does? What is love, ask urself that as you wonder in ur days laying eyes on others and casting out any judgemental thoughts...love comes within, deep within and the experience and love this couple has for eachother is very very rare!! It does not matter if they r homeless! That love they share for eachother is on such a deep spiritual level that most couples will spend their entire life seeking this kind of relationship!!! To the couple: I will pray for you everyday! Have faith God, your spiritual guide, the universe, what ever one choose to call the greater power! It will provide for you and your child!! I was homeless 19 yrs ago with my beaitiful son, everyone shamed me, made me feel less of a person, judged me, wanted me to abort and adopt...I remember hurting so bad by the pain and judging other moved upon me...guess what, I gave birth to a beautiful son! God provided me with the home and things i needed in my life!! and God will provide for you! Dont ever give up, ur loss of ur past son is horrible and the fears that prob come from this unborn child must be great!!!! I do not know you, yet I love you already. The universe reaches out and puts compassion and love in my heart for you! The next time I am in Boulder i would love to met you, give u a hug and let you know that love starts within urself and who u r, and than reflects out to the world..the courage and stregnth you both have is so great!!!! oxoxoxo

 

Peacefulspiritlady, thank you so much for the prayers for my friends!! I pray for them daily as well: "God, please keep them healthy and safe and please keep them all together." I was in a somewhat similar bind several years ago when I needed to find housing for myself and my 2 dogs in a hurry and several people advised me to give up my dogs. I did just the opposite: I committed to them wholeheartedly! I started praying, "please keep us safe, please keep us together," and within days we were living in a beautiful house, as the guest of a fellow animal lover. Thank you again for your prayers and good wishes for my friends. Your message has raised the vibrational frequency of this page which was sorely needed. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

 

"vibrational frequency" - Ah, I see, you're a fucking moron. It all makes sense now.

 

In the end it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks..the universe has its way of giving back what you reflect on the earth and the people in it ..may God guide, protect and lead this couple and their unborn child in the direction they need to go to provide a home for this gift entering the world..it is not my place or anyone elses to be a judge to others.

 

Oh good, now we have a religious nut to go with the hippie-tard and the occupy protestor. All you need now is the Wizard. Who's that? Deepak Chopra I'm guessing

 

May the universe bless you ;) much love thrown ur way

 

You're*

 

Hi Shawn, Thank you for being the grammar police on this page. It is just SO important! It's also great to see you condemn something (the concept of vibrational frequency) that's outside your field of comprehension. Overall, I am left o wonder: why are you so obsessed with a couple you met on Pearl Street one time? No offense, my fellow fiend of the animals, but it sounds like you really need to get laid or something!

 

If you had an argument you would have made it instead of coming up with fantasies in your head about obsession and ulterior motives. The type of thinking (if you can call it that) in which you engage is the mark of those who have substandard intelligence, sometimes referred to on the internet as conpiritards. And LOL, vibrational frequency. You've demonstrated you're just another idiotic Boulder hippie with no actual scientific or intellectual background or potential who understands neither the words you use nor the sentences others construct. With such a dysfunctional brain, discussing this with you is akin to explaining nuclear physics to a penguin. If there's any justice in this universe you'll get hit by a truck transporting textbooks.

 

Wow, it sounds like my "you need to get laid" comment really struck a nerve! You've called me names and you are now wishing I get hit by a truck. Awesome! Please enjoy your mental masturbation as it seems to be what brings you the most joy. You're a scholarly guy, I get it. I'm more spiritually included, but I know more than you can even imagine. And btw, I'm not a fan of Deepak Chopra, either. In fact, I think he's a charlatan. But what does any of this have to do with my friends and their current circumstances? Would it kill you to truly and unconditionally wish them well?

 

Yes, that's it. My life is devoid of sex therefore I'm mean to stupid people. Couldn't possibly be that stupid people make smart people angry. Couldn't possibly be that smart people sometimes get their kicks from pointing out the stupidity of others. And of course all people who don't have sex are mean, right? More brilliant words from the spiritually intelligent.

 

Kristina, I think you're being a little unfair. When I started reading this I was completely on your side but Shawn brought up some good points and I'm not as convinced, and I saw nothing obsessive about what he wrote, he seems to be very concerned for their new baby. Shawn, you could be a little nicer, even if Kristina isn't as smart as you it doesn't mean you have to rub it in her face or belittle her, plus there are different types of intelligence!

 

It was just a hunch, Shawn (your devoid sex life). Feel free to correct me if I was mistaken. You've been so intense and serious in your venom I also just wanted to to lighten the mood. Sue me!

 

Thanks for acknowledging Kristine's stupidity, perhaps if enough people point it out to her it will be an impetus for epiphany (because let's be honest, when someone asks about someone's intelligence we know exactly what that means). I could be nicer, sure, but when people refuse to engage in rational discussion and instead make it personal by making false accusations I see no reason to treat them like equals. Thankfully most people are smart enough not to take her idiocy seriously. You, for instance, saw through her bullshit and changed your opinion based on facts and logic.

 

Shawn you can be right and not be a dick about it. Kristina probably agrees with you on some level but maybe because of stuff like loyalty to a friend they would rather not say it, you should allow people to save face, it may get you farther than you think. You get credit where credit is due...I read through the rest of these comments and I don't think I can argue with your conclusion...It's the way you say it.

 

Peter, if you look at the chronology of the comments I think you will find that my tone did not become negative until Kristine demonstrated herself to be a conspiracy theorist, for instance by pointing out a minor typo where I misspelled Chris as Christ and claiming that I have some obsession or vendetta against them. I'm sure you can imagine how frustrating it is to be accused by someone of such nonsense when all you're trying to do is point out that this kid could have a very fucked up life if s/he lives on the streets. Since Kristine lowered the bar I went to her level, but since she is less intelligent than I it was much easier to exploit her flaws than her mine. Lastly, I do not think she gets this on any level because I do not think she is used to engaging in high context, rational debate where logical argumentation and evidence are the standards by which one discusses, rather than emotions, slogans, and platitudes. In other words, I don't believe she is competent enough to actually understand what is going on here.

 

Peter, thank you for offering your honest feedback. I agree with you that Shawn seems to care a lot about this child. My main issue with Shawn is that he has accused my friends of horrible things (w/o having all the facts, either). I hope Lexi does not read his comments, but she probably will see tgen and I can\'t help it. I feel Shawn is pouring salt into a wound and that\'s just cruel. Once these kind of attacks and threats are made, the space for \"rational discusson\" no longer exists for me. For example, when a married couple fight, and one party threatens the other with divorce, the fight now becomes about the threat and not the original issues. I lost the desire to debate with Shawn once he brought this kind of energy into the mix. These are my thoughts and feelings; I welcome yours. Also yes, I agree there are different types of intelligences and emotional IQ is one of them.

 

If you had a problem with what I wrote you could have asked for clarification or argued why it was wrong. Instead you pretended to be morally outraged and it was obviously because you had absolutely no counterargument. You know how I know it's obvious that it was pretend? Because after you said you couldn't discuss it, you KEPT DISCUSSING IT, except you ignored all the points I made. When you were backed into a corner you started making a false accusations against me for the same reason: to avoid the argument. In your little world where faeries are real and where vibrational frequency is measured in something besides Hz, when you don't have an argument you attack the person making it or commit any number of logical fallacies (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fallacies). This is the problem with a lack of real education: it's not what you don't learn that's problematic it's that you don't learn how to think critically. Here's the thing about emotional intelligence: most humans have high emotional intelligence, it's not a special trait; what is anomalous is when someone has low EI, not high. So congratulations, if you have high EI then you're one of the 90 % of people who do. The exact opposite is true for actual intelligence, where having a high level of intelligence is rare. Emotional intelligence may use the same word, "intelligence," but it is not used in the same way or to represent a similar idea, Most people can understand how other people feel, i.e. can be empathetic; you wouldn't be able to keep up with 90% of the conversations I have on a daily basis - not just in biology, but in philosophy, politics, or anything else. You should learn to think before you talk.

 

Shawn I get where you're coming from,I understand that could be frustrating and that's why I told Kristina it was unfair...She stopped but you're still being rather rude. Maybe I can help get us back on track. Kristina you said that there could be bad results from adoption, I looked some of that up online and it looks like a valid point. Shawn agreed it could be true but said that there were a bunch of bad things about the street that were much worse than the adoption stuff. I looked that up too and it seemed to be accurate and that's what convinced me because I couldn't think of a good argument against it. The only other real "debate" piece I found was when you said that people would help take care of them and then Shawn said something about how they could be on the street semi permanently and there might not be enough assistance for them and that was also something I agreed with. Can you think of any objections to his line of thinking? The part that was really hard for me to get over was that's it's really messed up to take someone's kid away and with a heavy heart I decided that although it's really messed up it could be a lot worse for the kid and that wouldn't be good for anyone :-(

 

Peter, that appears to be a valid representation of the argument from my end. The only part I'd say you left out is that I argued that although Lexi and Chris may love their kid, that wouldn't provide the physical necessities of an infant. I also pointed out that they have a track record of not being able to take care of themselves and thus have demonstrated that they wouldn't be able to take care of a kid either (how can you take care of three when you can't take care of 2?).

 

And btw, I completely agree that it's messed up to take someone's kid away. I never tried to say that I was happy about the situation, it's shitty for everyone. My point from the beginning has and will always be yes, it's really sad for the parents, it's just better for the child to be with people who will be able to provide for him/her and I provided my reasons. Kristine tried to twist this into me having a vendetta and that couldn't be further from the truth. Even though I believe that if this baby stays with them it will be fucked up beyond all reason, I never tried to accuse Kristine of having a vendetta against children or having an obsession with their baby. If she will admit that she made that up because she couldn't think of an argument and if she apologizes for falsely accusing me then I will drop it and stop talking about her lack of intelligence (as being able to capitulate when one is wrong is a sign of intelligence in and of itself).

 

Peter, thank you again for your effort to mediate. Shawn, if you could refer to me by my correct name (It's not "Kristine") that would be helpful. Since it clearly upset you, I apologize for using the word "vendetta." I admit it was not the best word choice. I think a more accurate description is "extremist." Yes, I have experienced you as a black-or-white extremist on this matter and here are my reasons why: 1) You state Lexi & Chris haven't taken care of themselves. Is this true? They are both alive and healthy and they are both extremely resourceful. I know for a fact that Lexi eats a healthy diet. Just because their home has been a tent instead of a house with a mortgage, you beleive they can't take care of themselves? To the contrary, they may have more actual practical, nitty gritty skills than so many of us who live insulated lives. 2) Another example of your extreme black and white thinking has been your assumption that they have zero resources. As any homeless advocate knows, Boulder has a plethora of resources for the unhoused. Here's a partial list: Food: Harvest of Hope Food Pantry (daily meals), Bridge House (daily meals), FEED, Boulder Food Rescue (often organic food), Community Food Share and EFFA. Baby stuff: MyParentingPlace.org provides diapers, formula, and larger items such as cribs and strollers. Medical care? Clinica (People's Clinic) provides free health care for those who can't afford it. Job training? Bridge House has a new Employment Services program on Tuesday and Wednesdays. What else might they need? Counseling for Lexi's PTSD? Boulder Mental Health Partners provides counseling for anyone who needs it. Food for their dogs? The Boulder Humane Society provides free dog food. This is far from an exhaustive list. They also have the support of several individuals in the community. I cannot say who is going to do what, but I can tell you they have a hotel voucher for several weeks and plans may be in the works for housing. I appreciate your concern for the baby. In this case, the best way to support the baby is to support the young couple who so deeply love their soon-to-be born child.

 

Toby I like your creative idea. Most importantly I want to express my support for this couple. People have the right and freedom to live as they choose. I am for minimal government involvement (next to none) in to the lives of individuals, couples and families. There should be a large enough umbrella that allows for a wide variety of differences. I want to support this couples' freedom and wish them all the best and offer this family blessings in their life together.

 

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I'm sorry but this is just wrong. I feel for the couple but what chance will this child have being born on the streets?  Further, have they not already demonstrated that they are unfit parents by virtue of the fact that their first child died of a preventable infection?   Giving this child up for adoption is the only ethical option.

 

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REPLY TO THIS COMMENT

Sorry Shawn, but your comment is just wrong.  This couple were not aware that there was mold in the house where they were living until after their son died.  How callous can you be?
And adoption is often not the idyllic solution people may think it is.  The separation of a mother and child leds to lifelong emotinal scars for both, whether consciously acknowledged or not.
Lexi and Chis are good people who will make great parents.  Lexi has a strong maternal instinct and her past challenges have given her a depth of compassion that will serve her new baby quite well.
The purpose of this article was to help this young family find resources such as housing and a job for Chris and to open our eyes to the fact that not all families fit the conventional mode.  You are entitled to your opinion, but your judgemental comments do nothing to help this family or any other homeless families in transition. 

 

Kristina, they may not have been aware of the presence of black mold but they certainly should have been aware that something was wrong. Secondly, I am well aware that adoption is not ideal, but it's better than the alternative which is to live on the street. As for "he separation of a mother and child leds to lifelong emotinal scars for both," this sounds like your opinion but as someone who works in the medical profession I can assure you it's not opinion shared by those qualified to have an opinion on the matter. You don't know that they will be good parents, you want to believe it, but their track record of already having a dead baby, not being able to hold steady jobs, not being able to keep a residence, etc, says otherwise. Whether it's their fault or whether it's the result from PTSD due to the sexual abuse mentioned in the article is irrelevant. What's relevant is making sure that this kid has a good life and no amount of good intentions will provide the things this kid needs to survive. And please don't bring this "conventional family" bullshit into the conversation. Read up on some basic sociological and psychological theory (especially Sutherland's differential association theory); if this kid is raised on the street then this kid will likely grow up to live on the street. How can someone possibly integrate into society if they are born outside of it? And you are wrong about my judgmental comments being unhelpful; on the contrary, my judgmental comments are shortly going to be recorded by Boulder social services (as well as countless other people who are disgusted at the lack of concern for this child, I'm sure) and I pray that they remove this child from the street and get him/her at least some kind of foundation for a good life - a life where winter isn't a possible life or death situation.

 

"As for "he separation of a mother and child leds to lifelong emotinal scars for both," this sounds like your opinion but as someone who works in the medical profession I can assure you it's not opinion shared by those qualified to have an opinion on the matter." Shawn, who do you consider to be "qualified to have an opinion on this matter?" How about the members of the adoption triad (the birth parents, adoptive parents and the adoptee)? Are they "qualified" enough for you? I suggest you check out a book titled "The Primal Wound." The author, Nancy Verrier is an adoptive mother who took the time to understand the source of her adoptive daughter's pain which led to much research on her part. Sorry, but the "medical community" may still be back in the dark ages when it comes to adoption. As such, your credentials do not impress me at all. The most cutting edge research in this field has been done by people who have "lived to tell."

 

What an asinine comment you've made. You think because one person writes a book on a subject that it must be true? Not to mention this book came out in 1993 and appears to have had almost no impact on developmental psychology or child services. Nor does it appear to contain any actual experimentation or rigorous study. I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you know fuck-all about science, neither as a profession nor in an epistemological sense, because the postulations in that book are ridiculous and contradict very well understood aspects of neurodevelopment. YOU are certainly not qualified (i.e. you lack an advanced degree in a related field) to judge whether any particular postulation is scientifically valid, or not. If you want to do some real research try Google Scholar.

 

Shawn, you appear to be inflicted with the "credential myth." Nancy Verrier's book is one of MANY on this topic. Another author is Betty Jean Lifton, Ph.d. (Does her Ph.d impress you?) I'd also add "The Life of the Unborn Child" by Thomas Verny, M.D. In the 50's, 60's and even the 70's, adoption counselors told their clients (key word here: clients. Adoption is a big business) that the transition would be virtually seamless for the baby because newborn babies aren't aware of much anyways. Well guess what? It's not true. As Dr. Verny's research concluded, babies are profoundly affected by their experiences after birth and of course, by a separation from their birth mother - the mother the baby has bonded with over the past 9 months. One doesn't need to be a rocket scientist, a Ph.d or have an "advanced degree" to understand this; however, it does require a greater than average level of consciousness. My prayers for YOUR evolution.

 

You know what, Kristina, maybe you're right. Maybe baby humans have a mechanism to "remember" their mothers and thus suffer some side effects from being adopted - it's irrelevant. What ever minor side-effects exist to adoption are outweighed by the dangers of being a baby living on the streets. Being a baby on the street means a high risk of infection, a higher risk of malnourishment, poor health care overall, a high risk of hypothermia, a higher risk of being subjected to violence, a higher risk of being exposed to drug use (don't pretend that drug use isn't prevalent through Boulder's homeless population - Lexi and Chris may not use but many of their friends likely do), a higher risk of truancy, etc, and this list is not exhaustive. Assuming the child makes it through the first few years of life until s/he can contribute to his/her own survival (again, their first baby did not whereas most parents who adopt children don't kill their children), they may not be able to learn from their parents how to function in society (because they obviously can't), will have a higher likelihood of attaining a criminal record, will have a higher likelihood of being a drug user, will have a higher likelihood of suffering from persistent unemployment, etc., etc.,etc. So yeah, I'm willing to accept some adoption depression if what you say is true. As for credentials, I might just think their important because, having them, I'm in a position of knowing what it takes to achieve them, whereas people who don't have them have no idea what it even means.

 

"Assuming the child makes it through (again, their first baby did not whereas most parents who adopt children don't kill their children).." Shawn, did you just accuse, by implication, Lexi & Chris of KILLING their first child?! This is beyond words to me...and I cannot engage with you further.

 

From a certain ethical perspective, e.g. some schools of deontology, letting someone is your care die is morally equivalent to killing them yourself. It's not an ethical view I hold, but I certainly hold them responsible for their baby's preventable death and they will surely be responsible if something happens to their new child due to their not taking the adoption option while it's available. It sounds to me like you simple have no argument and are using feigned misunderstanding so you can avoid having to deal with using logic and reason to respond.

 

I did not even notice this when I read the article the first time, but now I see that they had the baby at their home in Nederland. Do you know why modern society doesn't do natural child birth outside of a hospital? It's because it's fucking dangerous. You know what one of the main reasons why this is? Infection. If it really is the case that they had their first child at home and it's not simply a misstatement in the article then there is a decent chance that they are directly responsible for the infection that lead to the infant's death, in which case they should be charged with negligent homicide.

 

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REPLY TO THIS COMMENT

Sorry Shawn, but your comment is just wrong.  This couple was not aware that there was mold in the house where they were living until after their son died.  How callous can you be?  And adoption is often not the idyllic solution people may think it is.  The separation of a mother and child leds to lifelong emotinal scars for both, whether consciously acknowledged or not.
Lexi and Chis are good people who will make great parents.  Lexi has a strong maternal instinct and her past challenges have given her a depth of compassion that will serve her new baby quite well.
The purpose of this article was to help this young family find resources such as housing and a job for Chris and to open our eyes to the fact that not all families fit the conventional mode.  You are entitled to your opinion, but your judgmental comments do nothing to help this family or any other homeless families in transition.

 

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REPLY TO THIS COMMENT

These seem to be 2 people who cannot handle the fact that they may have to do things they do not want. They are homeless totally by choice. They decided not to get an abortion by choice. And now, even though there are options available where the child can have a roof over his head, they are not going to take advantage of it because they don't want to be seperated? So any money donated is not really going towards two people who want to protect their baby, but two people who want to stay together. I for one can think of many better causes where my charity dollars can go. And if they have not been able to get their food truck by now, it sure is not going to happen with a baby to take care of. If they refuse to give up this baby for adoption (whch as Shawn said, is really the only ethical option), I hope CPS steps in at some point. These two people seem pretty selfish, which does not exactly make for good parents. 

 

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