Find Local Events (pick a date)
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Home / Articles / Views / Savage Love /  Savage Love | Week of May 9, 2013
. . . . . . .
Give Through iGivefirst
Thursday, May 9,2013

Savage Love | Week of May 9, 2013

By Dan Savage

Dear Dan: I’m a 24-year-old straight, married female. I have been religiously reading your column in the Portland Mercury since I was 16. Thank you for explaining things that my parents wouldn’t and for helping me clear the hurdles of adolescence!

I turn to you now for advice. Five months ago, I married the man of my dreams. He was driven, hardworking, loving, and happy. We had amazing, cosmic, and connected sex, and we enjoyed pleasing each other. We have been together for a little over a year. I realize now that it was WAY too soon to get married, but I let my romantic side get the best of me, and so here we are. We are miserable. Now when it comes to sex, it’s the furthest thing from my mind. When it does happen, it’s very one-sided. I rarely get off, and if I do, it’s on my own after he finishes because “it’s too much work” to get me off. That’s problem one.

Problem two is that on our wedding night, he broke his foot and couldn’t work as a result. After his foot healed, he quit his job. He told me he “didn’t want to do that kind of work anymore.” So now I work an exhausting full-time job, support both of us on a salary barely big enough for one, and come home every day to a filthy apartment. Here’s what my husband does all day: plays video games and jerks off to porn. Every time I broach the subject of him getting a job or picking up after himself, all hell breaks loose. I have brought up marriage counseling, because lately neither of us is the best at respectfully communicating, and his response is “You can go, but I’m not going.” I would appreciate any advice you have for making this work, as I am not ready to give up.

—Too Soon To Quit

Dear TSTQ: I can’t tell you how much your letter saddens me, TSTQ.

Someone who started reading my column at age 16 — and that’s just the right age to start reading my column — should’ve known better than to marry a man she’d been dating for seven short months. And someone who has been reading my column for eight years should know what to do about a useless, unemployed, inconsiderate spouse: Call a divorce lawyer.

But you’re not ready to give up on this marriage, TSTQ, because an ill-advised quickie marriage is one thing (crazy whirlwind romance!), and a welladvised quickie divorce is another (sober acceptance of reality). So here’s my second-best advice for you: Move the fuck out. Tell your shitty husband that you’re not ready to divorce him but that you refuse to live with a man who doesn’t have a job, doesn’t cook or clean, and isn’t interested in talking to a counselor and working on his marriage. Tell him you’re moving out to preserve your sanity and whatever small chance this marriage has of succeeding.

Once you move out, TSTQ, your husband can find a job and pay his own rent or he can sit on the couch until his landlord has him evicted. If he gets his shit together, maybe you can stay married. If he doesn’t, well, then maybe you’ll be ready to give up.

All that said, the fact that you’re not ready to give up on this marriage ultimately doesn’t mean two squarts. Because your husband has given up on it. Your husband is making himself unbearable because he wants out. But instead of being an adult and asking for a divorce, your husband is doing everything in his power to drive you away.

This is a man who — consciously or subconsciously — wants out of this marriage, TSTQ, and I predict that his shitty, inconsiderate behavior will escalate until he gets what he wants: out.

Dear Dan: My wife and I are bi and monogamish, and we occasionally invite other swell guys, girls and couples into our bedroom. We’re crazy liberal hippies, and thus far have fooled around exclusively with similar folks. It’s difficult at the best of times to find couples where both members are bi, so when we find one, we tend to pursue them with wild abandon. We’ve recently been corresponding with a duo that seems perfect in every regard (bi, hot, intelligent). Our problem: In their last email, they labeled themselves as “compassionate conservatives,” which set off our socially progressive warning bells. Do we move on? Or do we keep politics off the table and go for it? Friends don’t let friends fuck Republicans, right?

—Bisexual But Bipartisan?

Dear BBB: I used to take a hard line on sleeping with conservatives — friends don’t let friends fuck Republicans and all that — but I’ve evolved. Today I support sleeping with conservatives … because someone has to fuck some sense into ’em. Might as well be you guys, BBB.

Send your questions to mail@savagelove.net and follow Dan @fakedansavage.

Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com

  • Currently 3.5/5 Stars.
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
POST A COMMENT
No Registration Required
REPLY TO THIS COMMENT

Karl Lagerfeld, Germany famous fashion designer,Christian Louboutin Shoes was born in 1933 in Hamburg.Speaking of Karl Lagerfeld,Christian Louboutin Outlet head first is the artistic director of Chanel's trademark expression forever,Roger Vivier Shoes wearing dark glasses,and holding a catch fan,Roger Vivier Outlet the back of the head with pigtails,is this eternal sunglasses white hair long braid was actually occupying commanding point of fashion. People refer to him as the fashion of Julius Caesar, and Galeries Lafayette.He's always like eat ginseng as energetic,Kate Spade Outlet fluent in German,English,French,Italian,and witty,Kate Spade Handbags his love of traditional,and look forward to the future,dubbed by the media representatives of the UGG Outlet contemporary renaissance.Comments in November 2013 for alleged discrimination against fat had been France women's group sued.Karl lagerfeld every year Cheap UGG Boots for the production of eight series of Chanel clothing,including ready-to-wear and haute couture,Michael Kors Outlet for the production of 5 series, Fendi also do design for his own brand. He this kind of super ability to his global lead in the fashion industry.He is also Michael Kors Handbags a famous photographer.

He not only for Chanel shooting pictures and product catalogue,also held the exhibition of his own.As a knowledge of English,French,German and Italian,he is not willing to miss the publishing industry also.In Paris he Rue Lille on opened a bookstore called 7 l,Michael Kors Outlet books published by the topic he is interested in all kinds of fields, including fashion,photography,literature,Michael Kors Outlet Online advertising,music,newspaper,mythology, illustration,humor works and buildings.However,one of the most popular is unabashed Lagerfeld himself Michael Kors Outlet published in 2002 "Karl unabashed Lagerfeld guide to lose weight.In September 1938,was born in Hamburg,Germany.Karl,Michael Kors Handbags who was born in 1938,but various evidence that he is actually understates his 5 years old! Karl lagerfeld's father was selling condensed milk businessman,Michael Kors Outlet mother is lingerie salesman. 14 years old when his family moved to Paris, and the finished school.

In 1954,he received champion of Michael Kors Wallets the fashion design award wool jacket.

In 1955,selected by judges Pierre Balmain fashion design award for Assistant, studying under its brand.Chanel Outlet

In 1958,as the fashion designer Jean Patou. Five years after the official departure of freelance.Chanel Handbags

In 1964, he became Chloe Designer, brand positioning in the classical-romantic style.

In October 1972, Karl Lagerfeld designed the Chloe spring/summer 1973 collection was a success,Cheap Oakley Sunglasses and became headline news. Again in 1992 as the brand's designer.Oakley Sunglasses In 1965,has been in charge of design for the FENDI brand,while famous double f FENDI logo is from the hand of Karl.

Oakley Outlet Carl dramatic design Fendi (FENDI) brand clothing received worldwide attention and praise in the fashion,Ray Ban Sunglasses FENDI to Haute Couture line positions.

In 1983,he became designer CHANEL brand,Cheap Ray Ban Sunglasses generally are not optimistic about the situation in the outside world, successf ully resurrect brand,Ray Ban Outlet

CHANEL became one of the most profitable fashion brands in the world. Carl perfect essence of refined elegance of Coco Chanel,Louis Vuitton Outlet Online modified,retaining loyal customer,while moderation into the sport,rock elements,attracting a young,Louis Vuitton Handbags consummate skill and Haute Couture flourish, Chanel leads a pair of successful Louis Vuitton Outlet postwar modern and elegant stay. While button square Desrues Lemari Louis Vuitton Outlet Online,embroidery, feather ornaments Fang Fang Lesage Massaro, hat, shoe Fang Fang Michel Goossens and floral,Louis Vuitton Outlet Stores gold and silver ornaments Fang Fang Guillet one by one in the Pocket.

In 1984, the personal name brand Karl Lagerfeld, in his own brand,Gucci Outlet Karl full embodiment of the characteristics: fit,Gucci Shoes skinny,short sleeve outwards along cutting lines,classical style Tiffany Outlet combined with the sentiment on the streets,forming a lot of innovation.

In 1987 for branding purposes,began his photographic career,Tiffany Jewellery after CHANEL,FENDI and most taken by its namesake brand advertising. Photography and fashion magazines have many times together.

Ed Hardy Clothing In November 2004, Carl and Sweden leading fast fashion brand M work,Ed Hardy Outlet the launch of the Karl M limited edition fashion,Cheap Jordans is considered sold out after 2 days.

On December 8,2006,Carr announced the launch of brands under Air Jordan the same name brand k Karl Lagerfeld,Coach Factory Outlet Karl Lagerfeld positioning young recreational fashion,Coach Outlet Store Online menswear Ladieswear,churning out of Tee and jeans.

In October 2007, the FENDI at the great wall of China organized the press conference,Coach Purse kaercheng the first designer of the wall held a press conference.Coach Outlet June 10, 2008, ~9 7th,Versailles Karl Lagerfeld launched the Sun Coach Outlet Online in the light of the Palace of Versailles photography exhibition, a totally original perspective,Coach Outlet Store Online through light and shadow to capture brilliant Coach Factory interpretation of Versailles unique cultural and historical heritage.

In 2008,France road safety under the invitation of the Minister,Coach Factory Outlet Online outside his fluorescent yellow clothes wears a dark suit and Coach Outlet wearing his favourite fingerless black gloves, and trademark black sunglasses,Coach Factory Outlet the campaign slogan is: it's yellow, it's ugly, and it doesn't fit anything,Burberry Handbags but it does protect your life. He also boarded the French dictionary Le Petit Larousse,Burberry Outlet (the Larousse encyclopedia dictionary) cover of the 2009 Edition.

Michael Kors Outlet Germany introduced the teddy bear shape being similar to Carr's Michael Kors Store limited-edition Teddy bear. With black sunglasses,Coach Factory dark black suits with white striped shirt and thin black tie,as well as with KL bright diamond logo waistband.Coach Outlets Carl was involved in the design of artificial islands luxury Isla Moda.

Talking about his pet cat, the fashion guru is in full flight, he said my cat is like a walk in the Park, frolicking in the garden or enjoy shopping. The cat has a dedicated maid caring for each week are full-time doctors to cut their nails. She is very naughty and always laugh by the maid to take care of her.

 

 
Close
Close