Dear Dan: Here’s the Reader’s Digest Condensed Version: I’m a sexually inactive (by my own choice) heterosexual female in my late 40s who up until recently used to be much heavier and in rapidly declining health. Since my type 2 diabetes diagnosis, I have achieved substantial weight loss, a much-improved diet, and a little Clairol Nice ’n’ Easy. I now look and feel infinitely better than I ever did in my late 20s. People in my apartment building have been doing double takes, and recently I even got carded at my favorite restaurant dining out with a female neighbor friend half my age! While I admit the newly acquired positive attention is fun (especially getting carded! Who? Me?!? Ha-ha!), I’m happy staying single and am not interested in developing any LTRs with the opposite sex. The weird thing is, the majority of guys doing any flirting with me seem to be much younger than I am. A wise, older female friend of mine once commented that men “don’t know what to make” of someone like me. Okay, I think. So am I too narcissistic? I can’t seem to relate or really keep conversations going. Plenty of younger men in their 20s and 30s are nice looking, but I’ll be 50 next summer!
—I’m Not A Cougar Though I’m Very Energized
Dear INACTIVE: “The first thing I’d like to say to INACTIVE is congratulations on tackling her type 2 diabetes with such determination and getting such fabulous results!” says Cindy Gallop, a former high-flying advertising executive who is now the founder and driving force behind MakeLoveNotPorn.com, a website and movement designed to blow up pornography.
Gallop is a fan of younger men, INACTIVE, and younger men are fans of Gallop.
“Of course she’s getting so much flirtatious attention from younger guys!” says Gallop. “There are many young men out there interested in and attracted to older women — but society considers that relationship model less socially acceptable than the older-man/younger-woman version, which is why she’s so surprised. Well, the good news is she can stay single, not embark on any LTRs with the opposite sex, and still have a lot of fun with younger men, without worrying about keeping conversations going — because the fun doesn’t need to involve much talking.”
If “sexually inactive by choice” was a choice you made back in your heavier, unhealthier days due to a lack of confidence, Gallop says that this is the perfect time for you to get back in the game — and younger men are the perfect playmates.
“INACTIVE is in her sexual prime, and she should go for it!” says Gallop. “The age issue is purely a societal judgment and is irrelevant. Younger man (lots of stamina, very short recovery period) plus older woman (confidence, experience, knows what she wants) is a fantastic combination. And I speak as someone who knows.”
A couple of pro tips from Gallop for older women who are dating younger men: “No. 1: Apply the same filter to her dates that I do — regardless of how casual the relationship, he needs to be a very nice person. No. 2: If she hasn’t been sexually active for a while, check out MakeLoveNotPorn.com. She should be aware of what she may encounter in younger men that’s been learned from porn, and how to talk about what she prefers in that context openly, honestly, and lightheartedly.”
Send your questions for Dan to firstname.lastname@example.org, and follow him on Twitter @fakedansavage.