SAVAGE LOVE

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Dear Dan: Shame on you for recommending adultery as a solution to a husband who can’t satisfy his wife! Satisfying a woman is easy! I learned it from a book! You just tickle the clitoris continuously with as light a touch as possible until she comes, as many times as you like. Sorry, I forget the name of the book.

— Bad Advice Destroys

Dear BAD: I’m not sure which column you’re objecting to — I’ve recommended adultery to so many husbands and wives over the years that I’ve lost track — but I’m pretty sure the book you’re referring to is God, Guns, Grits, and Gravy by Mike Huckabee.

Dear Dan: I’m a 33-year-old man in a monogamous relationship with a 32-year-old woman for eight months. In the beginning, she was really passionate and required sex all the time. But I noticed that she was the first woman I was ever with who didn’t like to give pleasure with normal sex, by which I mean vaginal intercourse. Instead, she was only interested in sex that directly pleasured her. She didn’t think about my pleasure while I satisfied her with cunnilingus or helped her to masturbate herself. After six months, I was losing interest, so I asked her why it was like this. After that talk, I had to leave for work, and after a month, we met again. Her sexual desire for me had disappeared, while my desire for her had only grown. My two questions: (1) Does she have another man? (2) Is our relationship over? Please let me know what you think.

%u2028— Too High Too Low

Dear THTL: 1. I couldn’t tell you. 2. Looks that way. And if the genders were reversed — if you were a woman dating a man who didn’t care about your pleasure and only wanted blowjobs and help jacking off — no one would hesitate to tell you that your lover was selfish and that this relationship needed to end.

Dear Dan: I’m a high-school sophomore. I’m a mostly closeted gay, having come out only to some of my friends, but my best friend was the first one I told. I’ve had a crush on him since sixth grade. Sometimes he acts very gay with me: He’s stroked my hair and leaned on my shoulder, some light rubbing of feet, etc., usually with me reciprocating. Most of this was before he knew I was gay. But just a month ago, at a sleepover, we had to share a bed, and basically the entire night I was the closest I have ever been to a non–family member. Yet he continues to protest that he is straight. My question: Do you think he is gay or at least questioning?

— Crushing On Bestie

Dear COB: Your best friend could be gay, COB, or he could be one of those New Model Straight Boys, aka a straight boy so secure in his heterosexuality that he’s comfortable with what the sex researchers call “homosocial intimacy,” e.g., leaning on a male friend’s shoulder, stroking a male friend’s hair, rubbing a male friend’s feet (a form of homosocial contact that this homo isn’t comfortable with), etc.

If your friend is gay, COB, he may not have come out yet for all sorts of reasons (he’s not ready, his parents might freak, he’s not sure if he’s gay or bi or what). Or your friend may know he’s gay but hasn’t come out to you because he knows how you feel about him (crush since sixth grade) and he doesn’t feel the same way about you (he likes you only as a friend). So he tells you he’s straight to spare your feelings, COB, because then the rejection isn’t so personal.

But only your friend knows what he is for sure, and right now he says he’s straight. Respect his sexual identity, COB, just as he respects yours — sleepovers and homosocial intimacy notwithstanding.

Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com

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