Dear Dan: My boyfriend and I both spent a lot of time masturbating when we were young, and pretty much trained our brains to come only one way. He can only come from masturbating furiously, or sometimes from a marathon of jackhammer sex. A few years before I met him, I toned down the masturbating to retrain my brain and pussy and tried a bunch of new things, and I can now come from different acts and positions. It wasn’t easy, but I am so happy with this versatility. I’m starting to get annoyed that he isn’t working harder to overcome this jackhammering reliance. It hurts, it’s super boring, and it makes me feel like I might as well be an inflatable doll. We’ve talked about it, and he says he’ll masturbate less, and that does help (read: Now it’s a half hour of jackhammering instead of hours), but I’m still eager for more variety — and to be able to walk after sex and ride a bike the next day. For what it’s worth, about half the time he just lets me come buckets and then gives up on himself. Can you recommend anything that would help him? Since I know firsthand this can be overcome and I accommodate him as much as possible, I think I’m being reasonable, but I’m sure you’ll tell me if I’m not. — Hoping A Massive Masturbator Eventually Retrains Exacting Dick
Dear HAMMERED: Here’s how you retrain his dick: Your boyfriend stops doing what he’s always done — no more masturbating or fucking in the style to which his dick has become accustomed — but he keeps on having sex and he keeps on masturbating. But he is not allowed to revert to jackhammering away at your pussy or his fist if he doesn’t get off. If he doesn’t come, he doesn’t come. Eventually his dick, in desperation, will adjust to newer, subtler sensations, and he’ll be able to get off without jackhammering.
Or not.Â
Some guys can retrain their dicks — and some women can retrain their pussies — but some people have carved too deep a groove into themselves and their junk. Other people really do require intense stimulation — jackhammers and death grips and powerful vibrators — to get off, and they have to figure out how to incorporate that intense stimulation into partnered sex without destroying their partners’ orifices. But the only way to find out if your boyfriend’s dick can be retrained is to try and retrain it. The fact that masturbating less cut his jackhammering down from hours to half an hour is a positive sign.
Dear Dan: Recently, while masturbating, as I was approaching climax, I had a sharp pain in my abdomen. It felt like my intestine wanted to burst though my abdomen, kind of like a hernia. It really sucked and it ruined my orgasm. This has happened a handful of times in the past. I mentioned it to my doctor once, and I tested negative for a hernia. I’m a 52-year-old male in reasonably good shape; I’ve been going to the gym on the reg for the past few months. This sucks in that when my wife and I play, part of it involves my wife putting me in four-point restraint, masturbating me, then tickling me post-orgasm. It would really suck for this to happen while tied up and has me concerned about our sex play. Advice, an explanation, or a good theory would be welcome. — Gut Ruins Orgasms, Addling NervesÂ
Dear GROAN: I would advise you to speak to your doctor, GROAN, but I don’t think you should worry about this too much. And I would theorize that you tense a particular muscle or set of muscles when you masturbate and every once in a great while this muscle group revolts and spasms painfully; your return to gym-going may have contributed to your most recent spasm.
So long as your doctor gives you the all clear, GROAN, I don’t think you should stop going to the gym — or masturbating or letting your wife tie you to the bed. Risking the occasional spasm, however painful, seems a reasonable price to pay for regular orgasms and adventurous sex.
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