The prostate is located an inch and a half from the anus on the front wall (stomach side), below the bladder and in front of the rectum. The size of a silver dollar, the prostate operates as both a muscle and a gland for smooth-sailing ejaculation. As a muscle, the prostate contracts at ejaculation to help expel semen and prevent urine from entering the urethra. As a gland, the prostate adds the protective milky, white fluid for all those sprinting sperm. This prostatic fluid increases the pH balance of a vagina, making it warm and welcoming for the dance of conception, should that be your goal. Those of you with vasectomies, or those thinking of getting one, prostatic fluid still comes out of your penis, even if you tie the tubes to prevent the sperm and seminal fluid from creating unwanted fertilization.
Besides being biologically functional, the prostate also helps prolong sexual pleasure. A man can delay ejaculation by pressing on the prostate — either internally with penetration by finger, toy, or penis, or externally via the perineum (the soft strip of skin between the balls and the butt). External pressure on the perineum can be an asset to sex play; however, it only offers indirect access to the prostate. Direct pleasure requires diving in.
If this is totally new territory, you may be shaking in your sandals right now. That is normal, and you are certainly not alone. But before you discard anal entry as unpleasant or invasive, remember that prostate stimulation triples the intensity of an orgasm and generates a colossal volume of cum upon ejaculation.
If you are gay, or well-versed in tantric sacred sex, you may already be acquainted with the anal region. However, if you are a heterosexual man, prostate pleasure may feel forbidden. For many, this fear stems from the myth that anal play will make you gay. This societal belief is not only homophobic, but also utterly untrue. Sexual orientation is not dictated by the erogenous region from which one derives pleasure.
An anonymous man, who considers himself hopelessly heterosexual, rejoices when he finds a woman courageous enough to engage him in prostate play.
“It’s a very different type of pleasure,” he says. “The penis gives, the anus receives. As a man, it’s awesome to be capable of both — but you have to be secure enough to surrender.”
Surrender is an essential ingredient for orgasm, irrelevant of gender or sexual orientation. Upon orgasm, we surrender to our highest potential for pleasure. As a man, adding in the prostate elevates this threshold for sexual satisfaction. As a woman, being in the position of penetrator can feel very powerful and help access a deeper masculine energy. If wearing a strap-on, consider one that has an attached vibrating bullet for clitoral stimulation.
For those with fear of fecal matter, you can wear a finger cot (aka, the mini condom) and also ask your partner to wash before playtime. An actual condom works well too if using a strap-on, a toy or, obviously, a penis. Don’t forget to change the condom if you are moving from the anal area to another orifice. And, of course, use lots of lube— the thicker the better, as the anal cavity does not have a natural capability for lubrication.
Most importantly, have fun. The prostate is just another body part capable of offering pleasure. If you have not explored the potential of your own erotic back door, I encourage you to adventure into your own lands before you write off that which you have yet to try.
(If you are interested in my step-bystep guide, The ABCs of Prostate Pleasure, see www.theintimacyinstitute. org/commonIssuesAddressed.html) Jenni Skyler, PhD, is a sex therapist and board-certified sexologist. She runs The Intimacy Institute in Boulder, www. theintimacyinstitute.org.