Out of a K-hole, into the pharmacy?
A pair of Swiss doctors (God bless them both) report what every raver, club kid and regular experimental drug enthusiast has known since at least 1992: Club drugs are good for you, or at least your mental well-being.
The report says psychedelics, such as lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD), psilocybin, a substance found in shrooms, and ketamine have led to renewed interest in the clinical potential of psychedelics in the treatment of various psychiatric disorders. Studies have apparently shown that psychedelics modulate neural circuits that have been implicated in mood and affective disorders, and can reduce the symptoms of these disorders. The findings, say the scientists, could eventually lead to therapeutic uses for these once-verboten substances.
That’s not to say everything about the ’90s was all good. Giant, baggy pants still stand as one of the poorest fashion choices ever created by man. Staying up for four days moving from club to club and party to party, banging everything that moves while rollin’ on X hasn’t ever made anyone smarter, more attractive or more successful, and the music of the time is just a tad less vapid than Justin Bieber’s latest jam. Still, hooray for tripping balls, the Prozac of the future.
Marijuana grey areas get murkier by the minute
It might not be illegal to have a totally legitimate medical marijuana grow room in your house, but that doesn’t mean the cops can’t find something to bust you on. Just ask Joseph Lightfoot and Amber Wildenstein of Denver, who were recently arrested for raising their three children in the same house as their budding weed operation.
The whole thing started with a report of a domestic disturbance at the home.
Police arrived to find nothing illegal taking place, checked out the pad and the pot, and left empty-handed.
However, days later they came back to serve arrest warrants on Joseph and Amber for felony child abuse and to take the kids. The pair were forced to post a $50,000 bond each to get out of jail.
Read this statement from the Denver District Attorney if you’re sure weaponsgrade ambiguity won’t make your head explode: “Colorado Revised Statute 18-6-401 states in part that a person commits child abuse, if, in the presence of a child, or on the premises where a child is found, or where a child resides ... the person knowingly engages in the manufacture or attempted manufacture of a controlled substance.”
So parents take heed. It’s perfectly legal for you to have a licensed marijuana growing operation in your house. The rules are the same as with any other legitimate business enterprise. You just have to get rid of your kids first. OK?
Your husband is gay. Sorry ’bout that.
Women, have you ever wondered if your husband is, you know, secretly batting for the other team? You don’t have to live in constant bewilderment any longer, thanks to the good folks over at Christwire.org, a site that offers “conservative values for an unsaved world.” According to their unassailable statistics, a full two million American marriages are currently in danger of dying a horrible death due to irrepressible, burning homosexual desire on the part of the man. “Homosexuality can pop up at any time during a long-term relationship,” says the site. Gay men, the writer continues, will do anything to protect their horrible, filthy secret and so, by way of leveling the field for patently stupid women, the site provides a check list of sorts for determining your husband’s sexual preference. What are the signs that you are losing your man to Satan’s animal? Here are just a few:
• Love of pop culture,especially the Golden Girls.No,really. • Sudden heavy drinking.Take note,co-eds.Now may be the time to dodge a bullet. Try to deny your current boyfriend fits the bill here.
• He’s extroverted about his bare chest in public.This puts a whole new spin on that steamy volleyball scene from Top Gun,doesn’t it? It was Nicole Kidman’s first sign that things weren’t quite what they seemed.
• Does he have a gym membership but no interest in sports? Never mind the fact that most men have dabbled in purchasing a gym membership as an incentive to lose their beer belly, only to eventually give up and return to eating cheese fries by the handful.
The list goes on, and leaves little doubt that just about every married man is at least a little gay. And as the good folks at Christwire will tell you, a little of that stuff goes a long way. (And, yeah, we know the site is a joke. Who do you think we are, the Huffington Post?)