TAURUS April 20-May 20: My date and I decided to go see the film You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger. As we entered the theater, we passed a short, elderly Chinese woman in a brown uniform. She was bent over sweeping the floor. Suddenly she stood up straight, looked me in the eye, and extended her left hand toward me. Confused, I reached out toward her. She quickly pressed something in my hand, then returned to her sweeping. As I walked on, I unrolled the small paper scroll she had given me. It read, “Tell your Taurus readers they should be alert for helpful messages coming from sources they would usually ignore or neglect.” I’m doing what she suggested.
GEMINI May 21-June 20: Of all the signs in the zodiac, you are currently the best at carrying out the following activities: gliding, flowing, leaping, skipping, twirling, undulating, reverberating, galloping and rub-a-dub-dubbing. I suspect that you will also excel at rumbling, romping, rollicking, cavorting and zip-a-dapdoodling. If all goes well, Gemini — which is to say you show how much you love your body and throw off any inhibitions you might have about celebrating your instinctual nature — then you will be at the low end of the scale in performing these activities: shuffling, drooping, mumbling, wallowing, pigeonholing and pussyfooting.
CANCER June 21-July 22: A reader wrote to me bemoaning the fact that her new Cancerian boyfriend is addicted to safety. She speculated that since he is a member of an astrological sign renowned for its timidity, she should probably either get used to the suffocating lack of action or else bolt from the relationship now. In reply, I sent her a quote from one of the most heroic Cancerians of the 20th century, Helen Keller: “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.” Moral of the story: It’s a ripe time for you to rise up and refute the people in your life who think you’re a brooding wallflower.
LEO July 23-Aug. 22: Helping your fellow humans can literally enhance your strength. A Harvard study (tinyurl.com/BeExtraNice) proved that people who did good deeds or even visualized themselves doing good deeds had increased physical endurance and willpower. Unfortunately, the study showed that those who harbor nefarious intentions are also able to draw on extra fortitude. In other words, you can boost your energy by either being compassionate or evil. I highly recommend the former over the latter, Leo, especially now that you’re entering a phase when it makes a lot of spiritual sense to build your courage, vigor and tonicity.
VIRGO Aug. 23-Sept. 22: “The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease,” said French philosopher Voltaire. With this in mind, let’s evaluate your current discomfort. From what I can tell, healing forces beyond your control and outside of your awareness are going to be working their mojo to chip away at your problem. But it will still be wise for you to occupy yourself in activities that you think will expedite the fix. Doing so will minimize your anxieties, allowing nature to do what it does best.
LIBRA Sept. 23-Oct. 22: Usually you specialize in having a light touch. You’d rather nudge than push. Nimble harmony is more interesting to you than brute force. You prefer your influence on people to be appreciated, not begrudgingly respected. And I certainly don’t want you to forsake any of those inclinations. But I would love to see you add a dash of aggressiveness and a pinch of vehemence to your repertoire in the coming week.
I’d be thrilled if you raised your voice a bit and gesticulated more vigorously and projected your confidence with an elevated intensity. According to my reading of the astrological omens, your refined approach will benefit from a dose of subliminal thunder.
SCORPIO Oct. 23-Nov. 21: Time magazine created a list of the 50 worst inventions. Included among the most terrible creations that human ingenuity has ever come up with are plastic grocery bags, sub-prime mortgages, hydrogenated oils and pop-up ads. Now let’s switch our attention to your personal equivalents of these monstrosities. To climax the atonement phase of your own astrological cycle, I recommend that you do the following: 1. Identify the three worst ideas you have taken seriously during the past decade. 2. Carry out one formal action to correct or make amends for the consequences of each bad idea. 3. Really, truly, forgive yourself as best as you can.
SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22-Dec. 21: For your assignment this week, I have borrowed from a list of suggestions offered by Sagittarius poet Kenneth Patchen in his book The Journal of Albion Moonlight. Feel free to improvise as you carry out at least three. 1. Discourage all traces of shame. 2. Bear no cross. 3. Extend all boundaries. 4. Blush perpetually in gaping innocence. 5. Burrow beneath the subconscious. 6. Pass from one world to another in carefree devotion. 7. Exhaust the primitive. 8. Generate the free brain. 9. Forego no succulent filth. 10. Verify the irrational. 11. Acquire a sublime reputation. 12. Make one monster at least. 13. Multiply all opinions. 14. Inhabit everyone.
CAPRICORN Dec. 22-Jan. 19: Among Google searches starting with the phrase “who is,” the top-rated is “God,” while “Satan” is a distant tenth. Running ahead of Satan but behind God are Lady Gaga and Justin Beiber. If I were you, Capricorn, I wouldn’t be Google-searching any bigger-than-life entities like those four in the coming week. The characters you need to research are non-divine, non-celebrity types who might bring interesting influences into your life — people who would have a direct influence on your access to resources and on your ability to call forth the best from yourself.
AQUARIUS Jan. 20-Feb. 18: Explorers found a 30,000-year-old carved stone artifact in a German cave and brought it to the University of Tubingen for study. Experts there determined that it had a dual purpose for the ancient humans who made it. Phallic-shaped with rings around one end, it was obviously a sex toy. But other markings indicated it was also used to start fires by striking it against flints. I’d like to make this power object your symbol of the week, Aquarius. You’re in a phase when you should be alert for ways to mix business with pleasure and practicality with adventure.
PISCES Feb. 19-March 20: You’re not exceptionally scared of the dark, Pisces, but sometimes you seem to be intimidated by the light. You can summon the spunky courage to go crawling on your hands and knees through dank tunnels and spooky caves in quest of treasure that’s covered in primordial goo, but you may play hard to get when you’re offered the chance to unburden yourself of your cares in wide-open spaces. What’s up with that? Don’t get me wrong: I’m proud of your capacity to wrestle with the shadows in the land of the lost; I’m gratified by your willingness to work your karma to the bone. But I would also love you to get a share of rejuvenating rest and ease now and then. Do you think you could manage to have it both ways? I do.
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