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Wednesday, November 24,2010

In case you missed it | Pope budges on rubbers


Pope budges on rubbers

Hooray! A pope has finally acknowledged that the use of condoms may actually be valuable!

Of course, he was only talking about male prostitution at the time, so we still have a ways to go, but, hey — that’s progress.

Pope Benedict XVI has called the use of condoms by man-whores a possible step toward moral responsibility, because using condoms could reduce the spread of infection.

Of course, it’s still not OK for a married couple to use condoms when one partner has HIV. Apparently, women, whether wives or whores, still can’t get the Vatican’s OK to skip that dose of sperm, even if it’s infected and destined to kill them.

Baby steps, people, baby steps. So all of you male Catholic prostitutes out there, you’ve got the green light.

Lucky bastards.

In related news, Dec. 1 is World AIDS Day, and many organizations, including Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains (PPRM) and Rocky Mountain CARES, are offering free HIV screenings on that date at the Aurora and Central PPRM centers.

Everyone is welcome — even the pope.

Fat friars, pudgy priests

You may have heard of studies linking smoking to cancer, or even linking alcohol to liver disease.

Now there is a study linking obesity to religion. Yes, apparently praying to the Big Guy might just make you a big guy. Tim Covell, who, conveniently, is the author of some book called Born Atheist, issued a press release noting that nine of the top 10 most religious states in the country are also the most obese. He lists Mississippi, Alabama, South Carolina, Tennessee, Louisiana, Arkansas, North Carolina, Oklahoma and Kentucky.

At least he acknowledges that “whether religion causes obesity is an unanswered question.” After all, he says, it is also possible that poor health leads to more interest in religion. Hmmm.

OK, so this isn’t exactly the pinnacle of the scientific method at work here, but it does raise an interesting question: Do some people think God will take care of things for them, and therefore take poorer care of their health?

Covell goes so far as to suggest that religion might be bad for your health. Hey, this may give a bit of ammunition to the heathen by giving organized religions a bit of their own medicine: conjured correlations between seemingly unrelated things!

We can hear it now. “You think I’m going to hell for being gay? Well, finish stuffing that Big Mac into your piehole, lardass, I think I hear sweet baby Jesus calling you home for some dessert.”

Naughty names

Comic Evan Marz has finally released the long-awaited tome Dirty Sanchez Nation: The Ultimate Illustrated DICKtionary of Obscene Sex Terms.

Yes, folks, you too can now use terms like Blumpkins, Cleveland Steamers, Rusty Trombones and Donkey Punching with confidence in your social circles, perhaps even at the church potluck.

According to the release, the way the story goes, “the idea came to him one night after downing about a 6-pack with his MILF: Wouldn’t it be great to have a full-color illustrated sex humor dictionary complete with hysterical definitions?” Marz hired a cartoonist and compiled more than 125 terms, from the familiar (the Camel Toe and Dutch Oven) to the ground-breaking (the Alligator and the Spiderman).

We haven’t shelled out the full $19.97 to see if the book includes The Muzzleloader, so if any of you have a copy, let us know.

If you’re feeling brave, check out www.DirtySanchezNation.com. Warning: Do try this at home. Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com

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I always thought religion must be bad for your health--think of it, a diet of myths and lies.  Now I have some support for my theory!