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Home / Articles / Health / Sophisticated Sex /  Love the one you're with
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Give Through iGivefirst
Thursday, January 20,2011

Love the one you're with

By Dr. Jenni Skyler

 

 

Dear Dr. Jenni,

I’m curious about what makes a woman a goddess in bed. I know that my husband adores me, but I sense that he still considers an ex-girlfriend to be the most unforgettable sexual experience ever. I know he has emotionally moved on

from her and loves me, but I’d like to be the best he’s ever had. Suggestions?

– Grooming to be a Goddess


Dear GTBAG,

Great question! I posed this question to many men to help construct my answer. Three themes most men emphasized were chemistry, passion and a woman’s ability to fully surrender.

First, chemistry is that carnal connection where the electricity between partners cannot be contained. Partners often refer to each other’s smell (and pheromones) as alluring and unforgettable.

Second, passion is that powerful and compelling feeling of desire and love.

Third, surrender means fully letting go and melting into the passion. This requires the couple to be vulnerable with one another and fully trust each other, in and out of the bedroom.

Other men cited the importance of attractive features, intelligence, open communication, trust and emotional vulnerability.

I believe all women have the potential to be a goddess in the bedroom. This entails cultivating a deep sense of confidence in your own skin. The most seasoned “goddesses” are those women who exude an authentically sensual and sexual energy. They love sex not just for the connection with their partner, but also because they are able to give themselves permission to be selfish and indulge in the pleasure of receiving as well as giving.

To be the best partner your husband has ever had, cultivate your sexual voice. While what does it for him is enormously important, what turns you on is even more essential. Explore your fantasies and what makes you tick. Give yourself permission to grow into the sexual woman you have always dreamed of being.

Perhaps your husband may still consider this ex-girlfriend to be unforgettable.

But if you constantly compare yourself to others, you will never be happy.

Instead, focus your energy on how you can be fully satisfied and confident to let your goddess grow.

 


 

Dear Dr. Jenni,

It’s been said that “size doesn’t matter,” but for most men, size does matter!

Are there any safe ways, either drugs or exercise, to increase the size of one’s penis?

– Seeking to Increase Penis Size


Dear STIPS,

While the penis has been labeled the ‘love muscle,’ it is a smooth muscle and cannot be exercised to grow in size the way you might weight-train your hamstrings or biceps. Some men make use of Viagra or a vacuum penis pump to temporarily enlarge the penis; however, these products are specifically intended for men who struggle with erectile dysfunction. If used correctly, these are safe methods to increase and maintain blood flow to the penis, but once sexual activity ceases, the penis returns to its original size. The only valid way to permanently increase penis size is by surgical implants.

That said, men who believe that size matters may want to re-evaluate. Are you worried about your size in comparison to other men, or concerned your partner will find you to be an unsuitable size? Anxiety over penis size is common because our culture perpetuates poor role modeling through penis enlargement ads and overly endowed actors in porn. It’s no surprise that many men wrongly believe they don’t measure up.

Remember, a man is so much more than his penis. Even if a man measures outside the average range of erect penis size (5 to 7 inches long; 4 to 5 inches around), he can draw on other strengths such as his hands and mouth. And never underestimate the importance of eye contact and honest communication. It’s not the penis that matters, but the person attached to it.

Skyler is a sex therapist and board-certified sexologist who runs The Intimacy Institute, www.theintimacyinstitute.org.

Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com

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