Dating used to be called courtship and implied a search for long-term partnership and/or marriage. In the early 1900s, middle-class men would show up at a womans doorstep armed with flowers and pre-planned poetry. These were the days when romance signified heterocentric traditions of manly strength and womanly virtue.

Joseph met Anne during orientation week at college. He was instantly attracted to her, but Anne had a boyfriend back home. They began a sweet friendship in chemistry class and began backpacking on weekends. Annes longdistance relationship eventually disintegrated, and her friendship with Joseph started to ignite.

Larry and Rebecca evacuated to a friends house in Denver. That night they made love. That evening, sex signified comfort, connection and reassurance. It was the best sex Larry has experienced in more than 20 years. For him, sex always means closeness, and showing love to Rebecca.

Debbie, 44 years old, just found her G-spot. She has always enjoyed clitoral orgasms alone and with a partner. She had heard about the elusive G-spot, but never found it until Jeremy. She married Jeremy five years ago, and as their marriage flourished, he suggested they explore internal orgasm.

Sheila never dreamed that she would have the best sex of her life one steamy night at a Marriott with a man she just met over a discussion on stocks and bonds. Mike never imagined that he would pay $800 to learn about money just to blow off the majority of seminars in order to have mind-blowing sex with a stranger.

Surrendering entails trusting ourselves and our partners. Building trust means we have to be willing to be vulnerable — to physically, sexually and emotionally undress. This is the secret to unlocking that deeper layer of true intimacy, and oftentimes, that inner orgasm.

The past two weeks we have explored David Reed’s model of human sexual response. Stage one covered seduction as the brain’s erection to get us psychologically stimulated. Stage two explored sensation and different layers around what is needed for arousal, including pheromones.

Last week we discussed “seduction” as the psychological stimulation needed to get us turned on to sex. Once the brain becomes erect, our next challenge is to get the body excited. We typically know this stage as arousal, or the awakening of the second biggest sex organ — our skin.

Movies are given an R rating if there is sexual content. This usually means two nearly naked actors attempt a genital connection with fervent stroking, groping and moaning. But we forget that sex is more than just genital contact and more than just a physiological response.

Your bottle of lube should be your best friend. Whether 16 years old or 61, single or attached, straight or gay, keeping lube by your bedside is essential. It’s like having a water bottle on a three-hour hike. Sure, you may make it to the top of Bear Mountain sans water, but at a significant cost to your comfort … and potentially your health.