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Thursday, July 25,2013

Harmless murderers

'Red 2' is unnecessary, stupid and kinda fun

By Ryan Syrek
Because the world needs the palpable sexuality of John Malkovich and Helen Mirren on screen together, here comes Red 2. You’d never know from the inspired title, but it’s actually a sequel to the film Red, which was something of a sleeper hit, and not just because it starred actors old enough to go narcoleptic mid-interview.
Thursday, July 18,2013

Jaegers bombing

'Pacific Rim' blows up the monsters

By Ryan Syrek
Just close your eyes and ask yourself this question: Does the thought of nearly mountain-sized Transformers wailing away on Godzilla’s uglier stepsisters with rocket punches and wrist swords excite you, or do you have no idea what most of the words in the first half of this question mean?
Thursday, July 11,2013

Review: 'Lone Ranger' is Kemosloppy

'The Lone Ranger' hates the Lone Ranger

By Ryan Syrek
Good news, Washington Redskins! For one glorious weekend in the summer of 2013, your unapologetically racist franchise mascot is not the most grotesque pop culture representation of Native Americans! One can only imagine owner Dan Snyder pounding copious shots of “firewater” in celebration when he heard they cast Johnny Depp, a living pinnacle of paleness, as Tonto in The Lone Ranger.
Wednesday, July 3,2013

Review: 'World War Z' better than awful

'World War Z' lacks scope and aim

By Ryan Syrek
As has been well-publicized, Brad Pitt’s company, Plan B, snapped up the rights to Max Brooks’ thoughtful, faux-historical retrospective novel and then promptly scrapped everything but the title. Turns out, they disregarded most of that too, in that the film World War Z features no war. Technically, it does take place on a planet, so it satisfies the “world” in its title. But unless the “Z” is meant to invoke onomatopoetic snoring, two-thirds of the title is still a lie.
Thursday, June 27,2013

I Kent believe it got better!

'Man of Steel' punches summer in the face

By Ryan Syrek
With one tiny twist in perspective, Man of Steel has reinvented the character, dominated the summer blockbuster season and invigorated the concept of rebooting a franchise.
Thursday, June 20,2013

No bull! Shh…

'Blancanieves' is a silent, bullfighting gem

By Ryan Syrek
Blancanieves is what The Artist wants to be when The Artist grows up. It’s proof that a powerful score, expressive physical acting and imaginative directing can still deliver a silent film as resonant today as it would have been all those decades ago.
Thursday, June 13,2013

The truth of true love

'Before Midnight' will rub your heart raw

By Ryan Syrek
You know the moment. It’s that split second when your mouth sprints right when your brain comes up lame. Suddenly, an average argument about one thing, one time, is now an argument about everything, every time.
Thursday, June 6,2013

Lonely Hearts’ Club

'Love Is All You Need' if you have Pierce Brosnan

By Ryan Syrek
Let’s be honest, Love Is All You Need (or Den Skaldede Frisør if Danish is more than a donut to you) is basically redundant escapist fantasy. But when the fantasy services the desires of middle-aged women struggling with uncompassionate husbands and cancer and not hormonal, heterosexual male teenagers jagged (as most movies seem intent to service), it scores a free pass on originality.
Thursday, May 30,2013

Fade to blackout

'The Hangover' series can’t end fast enough

By Ryan Syrek
The Hangover Part III is so jaw-droppingly terrible, America deserves an explanation.
Thursday, May 23,2013

Kobayashi Magoo

'Star Trek Into Darkness' turns a blind eye to continuity

By Ryan Syrek
If modern nerd culture has a “patient zero,” it was Mr. Trekkie (or Miss Trekker, if you’re nasty). Their legendary attention to detail is exceeded only by their willingness to speak Klingon in the most intimate of settings. And they’re really, really going to hate Star Trek Into Darkness.