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Home » Articles »   By Ryan Syrek
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Thursday, September 18,2014

Get Fassbent

‘Frank’ is proof Michael Fassbender can’t be stopped

By Ryan Syrek
So the whole time, Michael Fassbender wears this giant, papier-mache-style head and mumble-sings gibberish lyrics about things like snags in the carpet while other people play instruments they created out of things like toothbrushes. Welcome to Frank,.
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Thursday, August 28,2014

Bleak and white

‘A Dame to Kill For’ is dark but not deep

By Ryan Syrek
Celebrated narcissist and Freddy Krueger look-a-like Frank Miller gives the women he writes a plethora of career choices. They can be prostitutes, strippers, bondage-wearing murderers or corpses. Some get to be all of those! Sin City: A Dame to Kill For.
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Thursday, August 21,2014

Take it back

‘The Giver’ is the worst kind of bad

By Ryan Syrek
Go down swinging for the fences, punchdrunk and confident you’re making something truly awesome that people will love, even if it winds up a steaming pile of poodoo we mock. I respect the noble fool, the proud creator of disaster who clearly put everything into a creative vision beloved by only himself.
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Thursday, August 7,2014

Grade A-Holes

‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ and the joy of spectacle

By Ryan Syrek
The proliferation of comic book movies has reached its cultural apex, so thoroughly dominating the box office and public consciousness that a backlash was practically invited. While the public plays Oliver Twist, wallets open and begging for more, those who critically engage cinema have begun the “tsk, tsk”-ing and the “poo-poo”-ing.
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Thursday, July 31,2014

Lucy goosey

Writer/director Luc Besson cares not for facts

By Ryan Syrek
But here’s the thing: it’s the most awesome drug ever. If you take enough of it, you become God. Or, as the pseudoscience in the movie incorrectly explains, “you use 100 percent of your brain’s cerebral capacity.” For some reason, this allows you to move stuff with your mind and sometimes dissolve into a weird human cloud thing.
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Thursday, July 31,2014

Fuzzy focus

‘Dawn of the Planet of the Apes’ needs no humans

By Ryan Syrek
But Caesar and Malcolm ( Jason Clarke), a cautious father and second-incommand at the human camp, both want peace. They negotiate a delicate alliance that is threatened by the human leader, Dreyfus (Gary Oldman), and the warmongering Koba.
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Thursday, July 10,2014

Ice, ice maybe

‘Snowpiercer’ is a glimpse into an odd future

By Ryan Syrek
In quite possibly the most literal scifi metaphor ever, the rich live lives of luxury at the front of the train. The poor are bound to the back, where they are crammed in tight quarters, eating “protein bars” made of stuff that makes hot dog ingredients sound delicious.
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Thursday, July 3,2014

Not so fast, Rick Santorum

Only fans of choice will choose ‘Obvious Child’

By Ryan Syrek
Donna is a woman without artifice, comfortable telling rooms full of strangers about her flatulence. When her boyfriend, Ryan (Paul Briganti), dumps her, Donna goes on a bender that includes the most uncomfortable stand-up routine not performed by a former Seinfeld.
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Thursday, June 26,2014

Freaky Frequency

‘The Signal’ is icky good

By Ryan Syrek
For a movie reviewer, having a favorite genre kinda feels like a parent having a favorite child; oh, they totally do, they’re just not supposed to talk about it. Well, just like your mom told your sister when you were out of earshot, if all other genres were out of the room, I’d totally tell indie sci-fi that it’s my favorite.
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Thursday, June 19,2014

Sequel, heal thyself

‘22 Jump Street’ cures sequelitis

By Ryan Syrek
Pretend you were excited for the big screen version of 21 Jump Street. Yeah, nobody believes you. Writers Michael Bacall and Jonah Hill teamed up with directors Phil Lord and Christopher Miller for the most hilarious, self-aware adaptation of a Richard Greico television show ever attempted. A sequel was inevitable. Yet somehow this sequel is far better than we deserve.
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