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Thursday, April 23,2015

Sexually transmitted ignorance

‘It Follows’ reminds you sex = death%u2028

By Ryan Syrek
David, I know it’s hard to find good actors and actresses, especially young ones. But there are local car commercials with more convincing performances than this. Like, it’s easier to believe Crazy Larry actually is losing his mind over those low, low prices than that Kelly (Lili Sepe) gives a shit about her sister’s vaginal possession.
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Thursday, April 16,2015

The bacon of blockbusters

‘Furious 7’ is gloriously unnecessary%u2028

By Ryan Syrek
The “plot” this time out, as if we need bother with such crap when there are cars to drive fast and people to punch, sees Deckard Shaw ( Jason Statham) looking to murder Dominic Toretto (Diesel) and his crew, including Letty (Michelle Rodriguez), Brian (Paul Walker), Roman (Tyrese Gibson), Tej (Ludacris) and Hobbs (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson).
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Thursday, April 2,2015

Unlucky harms

‘’71’ features a soldier with many troubles

By Ryan Syrek
Americans can barely be bothered to care about civil unrest and violence currently unfolding on their own soil, let alone on another continent… let alone a conflict that has since resolved years ago.
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Thursday, March 19,2015

Define ‘run’

‘Run All Night’ has old men slowly shuffling

By Ryan Syrek
At this point, there is just one Liam Neeson movie: Taken a Non-Stop Run All Night to Walk Among the Tombstones 3. Neeson isn’t in the midst of some Nicolas Cage supernova, in which an actor’s need to perpetually work and “get dat paper” creates an acting black hole more realistic than anything in Interstellar. It’s worse. Sadder somehow. Neeson is still trying, still making a genuine effort in each of these rote, clichéd, repetitive “old man” action movies.
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Thursday, March 12,2015

Chap-hazard

‘Chappie’ is too weird or not weird enough

By Ryan Syrek
Instead, the plot is nothing but a tired reworking of artificial intelligence clichés. Deon (Dev Patel) is a programmer who helped bring an automated robotic police force to Johannesburg. He wants to take the tech even further, much like the real-world scientists who are undoubtedly hastening our demise at the hands of our future robot overlords.
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Thursday, March 5,2015

Cons, vexing

‘Focus’ is irritatingly almost good.

By Ryan Syrek
Despite its title and the fact that Will Smith continually mouth-dumps exposition about how pulling a con requires attention to detail, Focus is hella sloppy. It’s not just that genuinely thrilling “who’s playing who” moments bump up against a holistically unbelievable romantic core, it’s that writers/directors Glenn Ficarra and John Requa never decided on the movie’s tone. Lithe and funny until it’s leaden and obtuse, Focus would be pleasantly forgettable were it not for Margot Robbie, who is announced here as a capital letter Movie Star.
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Thursday, February 26,2015

Please sir, may I have my job?

‘Two Days, One Night’ pits poor versus poor

By Ryan Syrek
Sit down, Sartre. Writers/directors Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne get it a bit more right: Hell isn’t just other people. Hell is asking other people to surrender their bonuses so you can keep your job. Two Days, One Night is a harrowing social allegory, a dramatic minimization of a growing socioeconomic reality. The bosses of the world are greedily devouring an ever-expanding amount of wealth, leaving the impoverished to fight each other for table scraps. It is undignified, disgusting and downright heartbreaking to watch human beings alternate between fighting and begging each other for basic survival needs.
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Thursday, February 12,2015

Heaven is overrated

‘Jupiter Ascending’ delivers fun in a world of darkness

By Ryan Syrek
Mila Kunis plays the titular Jupiter, a sad sack who cleans houses with her family for a living. Turns out, she’s the reincarnation of a famous space alien who once ran the corporation that controls the universe.
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Thursday, February 12,2015

I’m-a let you finish, but…

The only list of the best and worst films of 2014 you need

By Ryan Syrek
Somehow Jake Gyllenhaal has transformed into one of the best actors of our era. His performance here is diabolically perfect. Writer/director Dan Gilroy spits in the face of screenwriting 101, as his main character never evolves or changes. Oh, and if there was an award for “best scene of the year,” the final shootout in this one would be a shoo-in.
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Thursday, February 5,2015

Don’t let millennials time travel

‘Project Almanac’ can go to hell%u2028

By Ryan Syrek
Man, you know a movie is bad when writing a review for it ruins your who just got into MIT but acts like he sociopathic needs to write a note on his hand reminding him it goes “unzip, then pee.” His dead dad was an inventor who left an unfinished time machine in thetime.
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