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Home » Articles »   By Ryan Syrek
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Thursday, April 18,2013

Cookies tossed, paradise lost

'Spring Breakers' is art debauched

By Ryan Syrek
The plot is a gossamer thing, consisting of little more than a trip to Miami for four friends: Faith (Selena Gomez), Candy (Vanessa Hudgens), Brit (Ashley Benson) and Cotty (Rachel Korine). Short on cash, the latter three pals decide the best way to finance their trip is to rob a diner.
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Thursday, April 11,2013

Pew! Pew! Pew! ’Merica!

'GI Joe: Retaliation' is explosive gibberish

By Ryan Syrek
GI Joe: Retaliation’s script is so horrible, it should be in MoMA. Just like some people can’t stop staring at the world’s ugliest dog, this screenplay is fascinatingly hideous blather.
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Thursday, April 4,2013

Life before test screenings

'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' couldn’t exist today

By Ryan Syrek
Pitching One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest in an era of careful demographic selection and test audience input on filmmaking would ensure somebody would be going to an asylum.
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Thursday, March 28,2013

You should mount ‘Olympus’

'Die Hard' got 'Air Force One' pregnant

By Ryan Syrek
The Internet says that Creighton Rothenberger and Katrin Benedikt wrote the screenplay, but it’s lying. The only way it would take two people to write this is if they were stroke victims and one could only write nouns and the other could only write verbs.
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Thursday, March 21,2013

Hocus poke-my-eyes-out

'The Incredible Burt Wonderstone' saws humor in half

By Ryan Syrek
Like a scathing satire of the Soviet Union or a mockumentary musical on grunge, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone sets its eyes on an expired target of cultural derision nobody gives a fuzzy rabbit about anymore.
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Thursday, March 14,2013

That’s enough, James Franco

In 'Oz the Great and Powerful,' the hero is the villain

By Ryan Syrek
Look, James Franco must be stopped.
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Thursday, March 7,2013

Faint pulse praise

'Warm Bodies' is a 'tweener

By Ryan Syrek
Warm is the ultimate ’tweener temperature. It’s not “hot” or “cold”; it rejects extreme or definitive categorization. It’s the thermometer equivalent of “meh.” So, it’s fitting that writer/director Jonathon Levine’s film sports the noncommittal word as the lead in its title. Warm Bodies is completely OK. It is resplendently fine. It is immeasurably pretty good. Sadly, it really hoped to be great.
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Thursday, February 28,2013

Hardly dying

‘A Good Day to Die Hard’ ignores every word in the title

By Ryan Syrek
A Good Day to Die Hard is not Die Hard; it’s also not good and mostly takes place at night. So really, the whole title is a lie.
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Thursday, February 21,2013

Restless leg syndrome

'Side Effects' will have you twitching with anxiety

By Ryan Syrek
Like Frankenstein’s monster or fans of Two Broke Girls, this film shouldn’t exist and definitely shouldn’t work. And yet, it does. Boy howdy, does it ever.
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Thursday, February 14,2013

Only kinda good, fellas

'Gangster Squad' talks the talk, walks crooked

By Ryan Syrek
Nothing brings back memories of Sean Penn’s history as a serial domestic abuser like watching him revel in a man being drawn-and-quartered by automobiles. What a weird choice to take a cheesy, scene-chewing, 1940s mob-boss role at this point in his career.
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