ICUMI

An irreverent and not always accurate view of the world

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Joel Dyer | Boulder Weekly

Apparently we are doing something right

Boulder Weekly would like to announce that we are proud to take our place along side the New York Times, Washington Post, CNN, Politico and all the other credible news outlets whose reporting on the current state of our political system has garnered them the title of Fake News.

The amazing Cal

Apparently, Trump supporters in Boulder County who can’t handle reading about their president’s racism, connections to Russia, lack of understanding with regard to the Constitution, dishonesty and poor business acumen have decided that all of our award-winning reporting and analysis on these subjects must be fake news.

While cleaning up spray-painted boxes is a pain in the ass, being singled out as the only news source worthy of the moniker Fake News by the president’s Stepford followers is like winning a journalism award. We humbly accept and really, really look forward to catching… we mean meeting our new fans. And if you get tired of tagging, try spraying your paint into a plastic bag and huffing. It might actually raise your IQ and turn you into a Bernie supporter.

Four ways to protest without getting fired

1. Be white, or if you just can’t muster the dedication it would require to change the color of your skin, stand behind the white people and their white agendas.

2. Pick a topic or cause that does not fall within the national spotlight’s radius. Think local issues like the gluten-free selection at your neighborhood bakery, how fresh the office coffee tastes, the neighbor’s dog that pees on everyone’s lawn or the limit on how many movies from the library you can rent at a time. Bonus: Succeed, and you’ll likely end up the local hero; lean back and watch the Instagram followers pour in.

3. Avoid using polarizing words like “race,” “woman,” “fair,” “equal,” “rights,” “matter,” “human” and “freedom.”

4. If you’re already a protesting pro, take your radicalism up a notch: protest the protest. Just sit down, trust the people in power to do their job; that’s why we elected them, right?