Pokémon Go? More like Pokémon So!
Whether you like Pokémon or you hate those little bizarre animal-like cartoon concoctions with unnecessarily complicated names, you gotta admit the Pokémon Go app has had remarkable success. The app smashed download records and quickly trended worldwide on social media. (We won’t mention the downfalls: stampedes, finding dead bodies, car accidents, increased trespassing, breaking and entering, etc.)
The app found its recipe for viral potential by capitalizing on today’s technology obsession and thirst for nostalgia. (No word yet on the number of downloads for the Baiting Beanie Baby Bae dating app or the Spice Girls Spice Rack Space Race game.)
To play, modern-day house goblins, more commonly known as millennials, were actually forced to go outside and … we don’t know, “catch them all” or something…
The fresh air might have felt peculiar to those who hadn’t disconnected from their XBOX live or Facebook feeds since the early aughts. Thankfully though, to use the app, they didn’t actually have to physically unglue their eyes from the screen to look at any surrounding nature.
But if even the very idea of having to be in nature is too overwhelming for today’s robot-wannabe population, Playstation is about to deliver a wallop: Virtual Reality.
Finally the wait is over for people who think of the Matrix as a feel-good documentary from the future. Not too much has been revealed about the system yet, but one caveat is you need 60-square feet of room to operate the Playstation VR, so get ready to see some garage sales and empty living rooms.
Techies mark your calendars for Oct. 13. Concerned family members make sure to schedule interventions starting Oct. 14.
No floss for you
It’s some of the biggest news of the week, dominating headlines, newsfeeds and even trending on social media. All because it’s an announcement that will affect every single one of us, or every single one of us who flosses anyway. Through a series of open records requests, the Associated Press got the federal government to admit that their recommendation for flossing since 1979 is backed by little evidence that it actually prevents gum disease and cavities.
So the big question is, naturally, what else has the government been telling us that isn’t really proven?
Maybe the government is actually taking out all the pay phones, not because people don’t use them, but so we can’t escape the Matrix. Or maybe the not-so-notorious B.O.B. is right and the world is indeed flat. Or maybe so is Bill O’Reilly who said the slaves who built the White House were so well fed and taken care of that it didn’t really matter they were indeed slaves. Or Dick Cheney was right all along and there really were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq before we destroyed them all. Or all those conspiracy theorists are right and the U.S. never really did land on the moon, aliens did land in Roswell and both Elvis and Tupac are still alive.
My whole world is shaken. It’s time to start questioning everything. Everything! But first give me some floss, ’cause I got lunch stuck in my teeth.