ICUMI (In case you missed it)

An irreverent and not always accurate view of the world

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Joel Dyer | Boulder Weekly

New TV show gives Palin a second chance in D.C.

Well, for all you curious folks out there wondering whatever happened to Sarah Palin, BW has the answer. The former Alaska governor, one-time Fox News talking head and saboteur of the 2008 John McCain presidential campaign is apparently going to get a second crack at our nation’s capital. But not in the way you might imagine for a politician.

Wikimedia Commons/Christopher Grammer, 50th Public Affairs Detachment

Nope, the infamous “I can see Russia from my house” politico isn’t going to be running for office any time soon, but BW has learned that Palin has landed a new TV gig. Are you ready for this: “Naked and Afraid in D.C.”

Each month Palin will be paired with an over-the hill rocker or former member of Congress. Ted Nugent, Kid Rock and Newt Gingrich are rumored to be the first three guests.

The premise of the show is simple. Palin and her guest partner will be dropped off at the Lincoln Memorial buck naked. Each will have access to a slush fund account with $5 million but here’s the catch: the money can only be used to fill campaign coffers of members of Congress. In order to survive, Palin and her partner must get representatives or senators to do their bidding. Each week, viewers who voted for Trump will have the chance to submit a piece of legislation they would like to see get passed. It’s then up to Palin and friend to use their slush fund to get politicians to back the idea publicly. In exchange for such backing, Palin earns food, sticks and tarps for shelter, and even a butane lighter should a bill actually pass either chamber.

Spoiler alert: the first episode has a naked Palin and Gingrich earning a Chick-fil-a sandwich by convincing House dunce Devin Nunes to go on Fox and suggest that presidential terms should be expanded to 12 years. Good stuff.

The Future is now

When the movie Gravity came out a few years ago, it unearthed some fears here at BW. The idea of floating off into space — alone — until out of oxygen is, after all, the worst death we can imagine. “What an irrational fear,” you might be thinking. “That’s not going to happen to you” But the joke’s on you nonbelievers. If you haven’t noticed, our world has become much more like the science fiction writers imagined decades ago, albeit the change is more subtle than a big-bang shift from wearing blue jeans to shiny silver space suits. Long gone are the days when laptops were called “desks” in Orson Scott Card’s Ender’s Game, earbuds were described by Ray Bradbury in Fahrenheit 451, and Aldous Huxley prophesied the wide-spread use of antidepressants in A Brave New World.

Need more proof? Just wander on up to North Dakota and check out the Mars Colony set up on a rugby field. The five-pod encampment looks like giant, shiny marshmallows, almost blinding against the green grass and blue skies of the Dakota prairie. Here, with NASA funding, a team of researchers is attempting to make space-life a reality not just for generations to come, but generations here and now. 

We don’t know about you, but we think we’ll take our chances on Earth, even if that means leaving our Earthly existence in the hands of Will Smith. Although we may ask him to wait until after the alien invaders torch the White House to save us.