ICUMI

An irreverent and not always accurate view of the world

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Joel Dyer | Boulder Weekly

What would you pay for an iPhone 9

The iPhone 9, which will be released to a select few sometime next year, will do far more than just give us an iPhone for each of our 10 fingers or toes by filling the recently created gap between iPhone 8a, iPhone 8b and iPhone X. The iPhone 9 will be spectacular. It will allow you to turn on your phone with a power or home button so you won’t have to supply your fingerprints or facial recognition information to all the governments and corporations of the world. The iPhone 9 will also reportedly have little holes in the unit’s bottom that will actually allow you to plug it into a charger in your home or car. There are even rumors you will be able to hook it directly to another device by way of a thin little wire. And best of all, the iPhone 9 has been designed to never let the 1,000 photos you have on your phone automatically dump onto your other Apple devices just because you walked into the same room with your laptop. We aren’t sure what it will cost just yet, but we’re sure it will be well worth the money.

Thanks Hillary for helping the Republicans… yet again

Hillary Clinton’s new book and book tour are another perfect example of why the out-of-touch politician isn’t and never should have been president. She actually told Today host Matt Lauer that FBI director Comey should have been disciplined or fired for the way he handled her email scandal. In other words, she agrees with and is giving cover to the exact excuse Trump used for firing Comey. Thanks, Hillary.

photo manipulation D. Kirby

And by the way, did it ever occur to you that if you hadn’t been trying to hide your emails from a potential public records request there wouldn’t have been a scandal for Comey to mishandle?  And then you tell us Bernie Sanders caused you to lose because he kept taking your positions and then one-upping you. What BS; you were right-of-center ’til Bernie forced you left and made you at least talk about free college, community control over fracking, universal healthcare and the like. You lost because you have been a flip-flopping politician who traded your values for a pollster 40 years ago. You lost because you are the status quo this country is trying desperately to get rid of. You took tens of millions of dollars from Wall Street and then had the audacity to claim they would get nothing for their money even as you refused to release the transcripts of what you told those same bankers in private. You told us that you cared about the environment even as you opened up more shale oil plays around the world than anyone else in history.

Yes, you are smarter and less scary than Trump. You would have kept things going just like they had been, but that is exactly why you didn’t deserve to win. You are out of touch with the majority of Americans who no longer want party politics and who no longer belong to either of the two major parties. And until you understand that, you won’t even have the capacity to understand that what you are doing now with your book is the very definition of selfish. Even today you are still willing to split the voters who oppose President Trump in order to create a false narrative as to why you lost in order to preserve your legacy among your establishment Dem friends. And just so you know, the 85 percent of people under age 35 who supported Bernie instead of you didn’t do so because that was where the cute boys were. It may just be possible that gazillionaire status quo politicians like you who put your friends and the party above your country will never understand how you all got thrown out of power. But that doesn’t matter because we understand.