Guys not so great in bed after all



Guys not so great in bed after all

This certainly won’t come as a surprise to women, but heterosexual men aren’t as good in bed as they think they are.

According to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, conducted by the University of Indiana, 84 percent of men said the last person they’d slept with had an orgasm, but only 64 percent of women agreed.

That’s 21 percent of men who are sexually clueless. No, sorry boys, you can’t chalk this up to gay guys. The researchers report that the difference is too large to be accounted for by some of the men having had male partners at their most recent shagfest.

Experts say that part of the problem is men’s disinterest in their partner’s pleasure or their perception of what women should enjoy. If a man gets off on vaginal intercourse, he might think his partner should, too. But here’s something that guys might want to write down: a woman’s clit is not inside her vagina. All that robust ramming — it makes a guy feel like a stud, but some women might as well read a magazine for all the good it does them.

The survey’s authors pointed out that women are more likely to climax through a variety of sexual means — oral and manual stimulation or the use of vibrators, for example. (Is this really news to anyone? Apparently so.)

But if 21 percent of men are lame in bed, about 21 percent of women are stupid. What’s the point of faking an orgasm? You’re fooling him at the expense of your own pleasure. (Cue image of Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally.)

A guy can’t learn what you don’t take the time to teach him. Like, “A little to the left, honey.” Or, “Time to replace the batteries, sweet lips.” Or simply, “Your elbow is digging into my back.” And finally, there’s always, “You’re too damned fat, let me get on top.”

Colorado is one pissed-off state

Based on a poll of battleground states, Fox News has concluded that Colorado is the “angriest” state of the bunch when it comes to dissatisfaction with the federal government.

Apparently, the switch from red to blue was too much for some Coloradans, and now they’re frothing at the mouth, ready to exact their revenge at the polls and turn the state red again.

The reaction reminds us of last year’s Longmont City Council election where the town’s power elite temporarily lost control of City Council to Democrats and found themselves on the outside, perhaps for the first time in the town’s history. They were angry, too. Boy, howdy, were they ever! And they managed to wrest majority control from Democrats once again.

But here’s something conservative Longmontians and Coloradans need to remember: that red-blue gap isn’t nearly as big as it used to be, and it’s shrinking. So get mad if you want. Vote in a host of candidates who play your strings by saying things like “small government” and “cut taxes” with no intention of shrinking government or cutting your taxes. Pretend like the mess our federal government is in wasn’t started by eight years of GOP rule.

Assuming that this information from Fox is accurate, which in itself requires a leap of faith, it’s an interesting commentary on how divisive politics have become in Colorado.

You know how you can’t think straight when you are furious? You get all red-faced and speak or act without thinking.

Kind of explains why the Republicans are nominating — and, in some cases, even voting for — the likes of Dan Maes and Ken Buck.

The really livid ones are so red-faced they are voting for Tom Tancredo. But blue is the color of your future. Not that we’re terribly excited by that, either, truth be told. Green, anyone?