ICUMI (In case you missed it)

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Joel Dyer | Boulder Weekly

“Fracking is crappy”

The day, or more precisely days, are upon us. The days of political conventions affirming the candidacy of perhaps two of the most disliked presidential candidates in all of history. While the Republic National Convention (RNC) kicks off in Ohio next week, the Democratic National Convention (DNC) follows later this month in Philadelphia. And the City of Brotherly Love is already prepping the scene with 57 painted donkeys around town to make the Dems feel welcome. But it looks like the city isn’t the only group using creativity to usher in Hillz and her posse.

DNC-canvas

In opposition to fracking, and more importantly the DNC’s stance (or lack thereof) and Clinton have taken on it, activists have begun placing paper mache piles of poop behind the Dem donkeys around the city. You read it right — poop, aka feces, aka doodie, aka crap. The activists are hoping to send a strong message to all that come across their “art” — “Fracking is crappy,” so cut it out.

Why not target the RNC elephants, you may ask? Because of the lack of hypocrisy on this issue. (Albeit perhaps only this issue.) Although climate-change deniers and fossil-fuel grabbers are unpopular, the position is almost expected from high-ranking Republicans, maybe even expected.

Democrats on the other hand well, we expect more of them. They are the party that gave us Al Gore and An Inconvient Truth, for one. Regardless of how you feel about that whole thing, you can’t deny it brought the conversation to a broad spectrum of people now admitting climate change is real, it’s a problem and if we don’t do something, it’s here to stay. Who knows, maybe the “crappy” campaign will catch on and, once elected, Hillz will ban fracking. Here’s to hoping (fat chance.)

But really, Jen, When are you planning to have a baby?

When will women finally understand that they were only put on Earth for one reason?

It’s as if they think that their lives can have meaning, depth and fullness without procreating.

The latest vigilante opting out of motherhood, not that it’s a decision she can make for herself, is Jennifer “Uterus Closed For Business” Aniston.

icumi newWikimedia Commons/ Angela George

After being asked for the 487,283rd time if she has a bun in the oven, Aniston chose to set the record strait in an essay for Huffington Post. “For the record, I am not pregnant,” she wrote. “What I am is fed up.”

She goes on to slam the media for body shaming, and she calls the objectification of women “absurd and disturbing,” while we’d call it “righteous and empowering.”

There’s always hope she’ll change her mind (George Clooney did conform to societal norms and “settle down”). Until then we’ll just keep asking (we’re still holding out baby hope for 94-year-old Betty White).

As a courtesy to those journalists who can’t think of any other story angles for Aniston or any other female of child-bearing age, we’d like to offer some up some: Is Mickey Rourke sad he doesn’t have kids? How does Christopher Walken fill his days without a baby? Does Jay Leno feel like he’ll amount to enough without children?

And for those who are sad that Aniston is not contributing any kids to this planet, do what Brad Pitt did: Find a consenting partner and have 365 children with them. One kid for every day of the year will surely make up for Aniston’s selfish decision to not add to the already over-populated Earth.