in case you missed it | Blame God



Blame God

It’s not unusual for right-wing Christians — America’s Taliban — to attribute catastrophic events to the wrath of God. Apparently, nothing satisfies God more when He’s pissed off than a bit of mayhem and indiscriminate death — men, women, children, babies, pre-born babies. Hell, kill ’em all.

Pat Robertson famously blamed 9/11 on homosexuals and feminists, blamed abortion and gay marriage for Hurricane Katrina, and said Haiti’s earthquake was the result of Haitians having made a pact with the Devil.

Of course, blaming God is just a handy way of whipping stupid people into a frenzy, while attacking one’s political opponents. Why would God have to resort to hurricanes — a means of communication that is at best vague — in the age of the Internet?

Most recently, Michele Bachmann brought God into Hurricane Irene. “I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?’ Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet, and we’ve got to rein in the spending.”

Her handlers quickly said Bachmann had been joking. Pardon us if we’re not impressed either way. If she initially intended her comments seriously, then she’s a scary religious extremist who doesn’t belong on a school board, much less in the White House.

If she was joking, then she’s pretty crass, given that the hurricane killed 40 people and caused an estimated $7 billion in damages. Yeah, that’s funny. Not!

Ensuring profits

Speaking of that bitch Irene … last weekend’s hurricane is the 10th storm this year to cause more than $1 billion in damages here in the United States. Insurance companies must be on the brink of bankruptcy, right?

Wrong! The Associated Press reported Tuesday, Aug. 30, that the insurance industry is looking at another profitable year. After Irene, insurance stocks actually shot up in value.

How can this be, you ask? Well, premiums continue to rise, which means monthly mortgage payments continue to rise for those who pay their premiums through escrow funds. And then, of course, there’s the fact that insurance companies are very good at finding ways not to pay for damages.

A great number of those who lost property and homes in Hurricane Katrina due to floods were surprised when insurance adjusters informed them that the six feet of standing water in their houses wasn’t flooding, but rather “wind-driven water.”

But, hey, there are still a few months left in hurricane season. Forget buying an insurance policy. Buy insurance shares instead.

Spoiling Spot

Just when we thought we’d heard it all, along comes yet another opportunity to treat your dog like a human.

You’ve probably seen dogs in sweaters, maybe even heard of dog yoga and dog massage.

Well, in Boulder we now have dog chiropractic. On Sept. 22, from 2 to 6:30 p.m., Boulder Sol is hosting a “Dog Day Thursday,” when Fido can get an adjustment from Jason Orowitz and a black-and-white portrait by Ashleigh Miller, all for only $35.

So get rid of those canine creaks and pamper that pooch even more than you already do. Call 303-449-7226.