in case you missed it | Hypocrisy abounds


Hypocrisy abounds

Conservatives had a hard time hiding their delight when Standard & Poor’s downgraded the United States’ credit rating from AAA to AA last week.

Clearly, they’re hoping myopic voters will blame President Obama for this historic event.

But somewhere in between attending prayer rallies, abortion protests and watching O’Reilly, they ought to read the entire report. S&P blames the downgrade on inflexible conservatives, those willing to drive the nation into the abyss for the sake of upholding their own special ideals.

Then again, as Nobel Prize-winning economist Paul Krugman pointed out, S&P is hardly a credible organization. The national budget crisis is largely the result of a budget deficit caused by efforts to bail out Wall Street and stimulate the U.S. economy. The need for the bailout and stimulus is the result of an economic collapse caused by unsafe Wall Street investment schemes that were enabled by good credit ratings issued to companies like Lehman Bros. by S&P and other agencies, right up to the end.

It’s really hard to give a shit about what S&P says, given its abysmal track record.

At the same time, it’s woefully dishonest for conservatives to blame Obama for our current financial crisis. It didn’t start under his watch, and Congress has been reluctant to give him what he needs to improve the situation.

By their fruits you shall know them

Warren Jeffs, self-declared prophet and leader of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, was sentenced by a Texas jury to 119 years in prison for raping two underage girls he had claimed as “spiritual brides.”

One of the “brides” was 14 at the time she was raped and became pregnant by Jeffs. The other was 12.

In the more sickening moments of Jeffs’ trial, prosecutors played audio tapes of Jeffs telling teenage girls they would be “rejected by God” if they refused his sexual advances.

He instructed them on how to please him sexually. He also recorded himself raping the 12-year-old, who cried when he told her to take off her clothes.

“Just don’t think about the pain,” he told her. “You’re going to heaven.”

And that’s our advice to Jeffs right now.

Just don’t think about the pain, Warren. You’re going to prison, where there may be any number of “spiritual husbands” waiting for you right now.

Don’t drop the soap.


Times are tough. We heard this week that there are even some online scams for birth certificates floating around. Yes, birth certificates. People are getting desperate.

State officials warn that some online services are charging people up to $120 to help them apply for a copy of their birth certificate through the state, when the state itself only charges $17.75, plus $9 for its online application service VitalChek.

State Registrar Ron Hyman (yes, that’s the last name of the guy in charge of the birth certificates, stop snickering) says, “There is just one official Web service for Colorado, and anyone using an online service other than VitalChek is paying far more than they should.”

And no, he doesn’t work for the Department of Labor.

Crazy jackasses

If you’ve ever been called an ass, you might be interested in this one. The Bureau of Land Management is accepting applications for the national Wild Horse and Burro Advisory Board.

Yeah, we hear you. Didn’t know that one existed.

Apparently, there are like 38,000 wild horses and burros roaming around 10 Western states, untethered, unsaddled. And this group, like, protects them.

Herds of wild burros? Somehow doesn’t seem as Westernly romantic as a group of galloping stallions.

Seats on the board are not paid positions, but you get reimbursed for traveling to meetings twice a year. (No, they don’t meet in Hawaii.)

So if you happen to be an equine veterinarian with some extra time on your hands, call Sharon Kipping at 202-912-7263.