in case you missed it | Making herself Hurd


Making herself Hurd

It’s not shocking that Hewlett-Packard’s former CEO Mark Hurd allegedly sexually harassed a female contractor. Considering the massive bonuses banking institutions in this country have been paying executives who were only two years ago begging money from the American public, it’s not even shocking that Hurd could walk away with a $40 million severance package. That’s all just business as usual in this day and age.

What’s truly odd about this case is the accuser’s reaction to Hurd’s punishment. Jodie Fisher, who revealed her identity last week, was quoted by a number of news agencies saying she was “surprised and saddened” that Hurd lost his job, adding that such an outcome was never her intention.

Really? What, exactly, did she hope would happen? Firing seems to us to be the bare minimum price to pay for sexually harassing a co-worker. Did she want him to apologize? Fat chance. Try getting another job after admitting to something like this. Perhaps Fisher wanted nothing more than her pound of flesh, to visit upon Hurd the same treatment she endured. We can see it now: Hurd is forced to stand at attention while Fisher circles him, leering, mumbling things like “Damn son, you make that $4,000 suit look GOOD!”

Wanted: a president who talks more good

Is it opposite day in Washington, D.C., or did we just read that President Obama should take a few lessons on effective communication from his predecessor, Bumblin’ Bush?

Apparently repeating the same message over and over, no matter how childish or misguided it seems, is a better strategy than trying to address all sides of an issue and hoping the press and the public can navigate the intricacies involved and form a sensible opinion.

Obama’s apparent mixed signals on a plan to build a mosque near ground zero in New York City have some longing for the days of the kind of crystal clear presidential prose Bush was known for.

No, seriously. In a story about Obama’s inability to get his message out — whatever that is — CNN writer Ed Hornick writes, “while many poked fun at former President George W. Bush for mispronouncing words and stumbling through sentences, observers note that he rarely had to backtrack on his answers because he employed a simple and direct messaging approach.”

So take heed Obama: pick a message, any message, and stick to it no matter what happens. Even if you turn out to be WAY off the mark (WMDs, “Brownie, you’re doing a heck of a job”) or just sort of wrong (“We will be greeted as liberators”), or maybe just premature (mission accomplished), never EVER back down. The people and press will thank you for your oversimplification of complex issues and utter ignorance of reality by electing you to a second term.

Tila Tequila takes on Faygo-guzzling rap-rock fans

Juggalos, the rabid fans of hip-hop nightmare Insane Clown Posse, now have something to worry about besides obesity, diabetes and their terrible taste in music: a diminutive reality TV star/nude model with a chip on her shoulder.

Tila Tequila is preparing to sue the “Gathering of the Juggalos” festival after she was pelted with rocks, bottles and human excrement while “performing” at the event. The attack became so vicious that the singer required stitches and was chased from the grounds by a mob of the make-up covered hooligans who were no doubt jacked up on gallons of Faygo. The horde smashed the windows of Tequila’s trailer and her SUV before the C-level star made her escape.

Perhaps the funniest part of the story is that the attack was briefly halted by none other than Tom Green, the former MTV star who got famous by annoying his parents and drinking milk straight from a cow, among other things.

Really, what has the world come to when Tom Green gets more respect from future felons and welfare moms than does a frequently topless reality star?