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Romney trainwreck

Watching Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign has been like watching The Human Centipede, the 2009 horror movie about a mad scientist who creates a “pet” centipede by kidnapping three hapless victims and surgically attaching their mouths to the others’ rectums.


It’s terrible, out of touch with reality and disgusting on many levels, yet you can’t for the love of Tebow stop watching it.

One of Mittens’ weaknesses is that people perceive him as robotic and disconnected from the reality of the lives of normal Americans. Yet he seems to take every possible opportunity to accidentally reveal that he is a very, very rich man.

Romney has not yet released his financial records, but The New York Times recently quoted him as saying that his effective tax rate is about 15 percent, about what self-employed people pay for Social Security and Medicare — and that’s before paying federal, state and other taxes. The low rate, he says, is because he now makes most of his income on “capital gains,” that is, profit from previous investments. (Capital gains, abominably, are taxed at about half of what normal income is, but that is a subject for another day.)

He also said that he made some income from speeches, but “not very much.”

And how much is “not very much,” looking through Romney’s diamond-lined glasses? Just under $375,000. The 2009 median household income in the United States was $50,221.

There are many more examples of this, such as when Mittens joked to a working class audience that he, too, was unemployed; or when he challenged then-contender Rick Perry to a $10,000 bet during a debate. But our favorite came when a boy handed him an origami crane made out of a $1 bill. Touched, Romney accepted the crane and looked for a dollar to give the kid for his efforts. But he couldn’t find one — he was only carrying Benjamins.

This is the man who could be in charge of the fates of the working class. Do you really trust him to represent your interests?


Deen’s diabetes

Soit turns out that chef Paula Deen, that Southern belle who has been urging us for years to cook with butter and heavy cream, has Type 2 diabetes. Shocker.


Guess all of that high-fat food she’s been eating and showing us how to cook may not be so good for you after all.

The best part is, she’s known about her diagnosis for three years, even while continuing to foist grease and calories on us through her television show.

But wait, it’s all going to be OK. You see, Deen is now being paid by a Danish company to endorse its diabetes drug. So you can still cook like Deen, and when you get diabetes, just take the drug she’s pushing at the same time.

“I’ve always said, ‘Practice moderation, y’all.’ I’ll probably say that a little louder now,” Deen said on Jan. 17. “You can have diabetes and have a piece of cake, You cannot have diabetes and eat a whole cake.”

Duh. Some are rightfully calling her a hypocrite because she continued to promote an unhealthy diet after learning she had diabetes, and is now pimping a drug that will treat the condition that can be caused by her menu.


More likker?

City Council member Macon Cowles raised a question this week in response to Hill establishment La’au’s recent request to serve alcohol until 2:30 a.m.


He asked for “an examination of a listing of all the violence and death by motor vehicle accidents in which alcohol was implicated during the last 10 years, within five blocks of the applicant’s place of business and during the hours from 11 p.m. to 5 a.m.”

Considering the University of Colorado’s sordid history of student alcohol abuse, he raises an interesting question.

The city council voted 9-0 on Jan. 17 to call up the La’au’s request for a full public hearing at a future meeting. Stay tuned.