in case you missed it | Safety whizzin’

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Safety whizzin’

For those of you who have recently been exposed to Santa and/or his reindeer delivering a not-so-catchy anti-drunk-driving slogan from a poster plastered above the pisser in your favorite watering hole, there is an explanation for the odd nature of the ramblings.

First a recap: The reindeer tell urinators, “Don’t drive if you’re tipsy, buzzed or Blitzen.” Cute, but it lacks the poetry of Santa’s pee-hole warning: “He knows when you are drinking. He knows when you’re .08. Designate a Driver for Goodness Sake.”

Yep, he really says that. Like it was too complicated to come up with a third rhyming sentence, but we digress. So just how did the collective genius of the Colorado Department of Transportation, Colorado State Patrol and law enforcement agencies statewide come up with their anti-alcohol Yuletide warnings? It seems the whole sordid concept was loaned to us by the Texas Department of Transportation. Now it all makes sense. Ho, ho, hold that cab.

No need to make stuff up

There has been a controversy brewing across the pond of late. It seems our British friends are up in arms over the Discovery Channel’s decision to not air the seventh and final episode in David Attenborough’s splendid documentary series “Frozen Planet.” Episode seven dealt with the issue of global warming. Discovery bought the six-show version being offered by BBC, stating it had a scheduling issue the seventh week.

And now, conspiracy time. As a result, the British press has been reporting that Discovery killed the seventh episode out of fear of backlash because most Americans don’t believe in global warming. Nice theory if it were true.

If you want to hate America there are plenty of good reasons. We sometimes fake intelligence to go to war. We kill each other over Black Friday shopping deals. We enjoy British royal weddings more than the Brits. And we gave the world McDonald’s. But the truth is, 90 percent of U.S. citizens believe that global warming is real. Even the majority of Fox News watchers believe it’s real. They just don’t think it’s bad enough for government to disrupt commerce.

We have enough trouble being in charge of the entire planet without having to worry about you little countries making stuff up.

Degree degradation?

CU is once again turning its attention to getting rid of the 4/20 smokeout on campus. It seems that each year there is a new reason for why the smokeout must be terminated. There’s the safety issue, the health thing, and of course the legal questions. But this year, the CU Student Government has gotten involved and is offering a new excuse: CUSG wants to boost the value of a CU diploma by protecting the integrity of the degree from the negative national image projected by the 4/20 event. Really?

This from a campus that fires its faculty for being too conservative or too liberal; a place that actually employed Gary Barnett, author of the “if she didn’t want to be abused she shouldn’t have been slower than the football players” philosophy; an institution whose students force the city to spend millions on Broadway underpass construction because apparently the little “walk/don’t walk” signs are too complicated. Under the circumstances, we think a CU degree can surely survive a little smoke.