in case you missed it | Superior bans dispensaries


Superior bans dispensaries

Superior trustees voted 6-0 to ban medical marijuana dispensaries, going against the advice of its own town commission, which recommended permitting and regulating the budding industry.

The town’s mayor told local media that Superior was on the “cutting edge” of the issue.

Cutting edge? Heck, that’s so funny you don’t even have to be stoned to laugh out loud.

Forgive us, Mayor Muckle, but pot prohibition hasn’t been cutting edge since Ronald Reagan was in office. It’s passé, old, tired and … fruitless.

The cutting edge when it comes to marijuana is full legalization and taxation. Medical marijuana amounts to partial legalization to enable those who need it to take advantage of the plant’s medicinal benefits. It’s an interim step and one that other communities in Colorado have been savvy enough to embrace.

With this decision, Superior, rather than being cutting edge, has become like those towns in Utah where you can’t buy booze. You drive through, but you don’t even stop to pee.

Hey, that’s OK, because there are plenty of other cities and towns in Boulder County where dispensaries can set up shop, and those places will benefit from the tax revenue, not Superior.

What’s that sound, Mayor Muckle?

Is it the soundtrack to that edgy film Flashdance?

No, it’s the distant ka-ching of money being spent elsewhere.

Dreaming big

We all have hopes and aspirations, dreams we hope to see come true before we leave this earth. Gary Faulkner, a Colorado man, had a simple dream. He wanted to track down Osama bin Laden — and cut off his head.

Faulkner was detained in Pakistan in an apparent attempt to cross the border into Afghanistan — where, rumor is, bin Laden is hiding — carrying a sword, a pistol, night-vision goggles and a small amount of hash, presumably because he’d already smoked the rest. (Must’ve been some really good shit. We’ve gone on ambitious junk-food-buying excursions across the street to 7-11 in that state of mind, but heading overseas to behead terrorist ringleaders? Never managed that. It was all we could do to figure out which flavor of Slurpee would go best with our Twinkies. But we digress …) Authorities in Pakistan at first laughed when Faulkner told them why he’d come. But when he evaded the cop assigned to guard him — foreigners are given a police escort for safety reasons — they quit laughing and started hunting for him.

Faulkner is reportedly being questioned but hasn’t yet been charged with a crime.

You know, maybe he’s on to something. This could be a whole new kind of tourist industry for Pakistan and a new approach to dealing with Al Qaeda. Hey, Faulkner isn’t the only American who’d like to kill bin Laden.

That’s it! Let’s get George W. Bush totally baked and send him over there with a baseball bat and a trashcan lid so that he can finish accomplishing his mission.

Starbucks caves, offers free Wi-Fi

As of July 1, Starbucks will be offering free Wi-Fi to patrons, rather than forcing them to have a “loyalty card” and restricting them to a measly two hours worth of Internet access. The change comes at least in part because McDonald’s is now offering free Wi-Fi, and Starbucks sees McDonald’s as a rival.

Whatever. We’re just glad that Starbucks’ CEOs have realized what every independent coffee house has known since Al Gore invented the Internet — online access is a human right.

But don’t let Starbucks’ new ’Net friendly attitude lure you in. Instead, stick with your independent, locally owned coffee houses.

They’ve been there for you all along when you want to check e-mail or surf your brains out. And they’re hip enough not to need frigging McDonald’s to set the trend for them.