We’re No. 3? Get real!


The Daily Beast named Boulder as the nation’s third smartest college town, giving the city an overall grade of A on criteria such as overall percentage of the town’s population with academic degrees and its level of political engagement.

It’s hard to believe that Boulder was not No. 1, considering that the last census said we’ve got more advanced degrees per capita than any other place on earth. But the top slot went to Chapel Hill, N.C., which, according to The Daily Beast, “combines an antique Southern charm with nationally recognized research facilities.” Want charm? Look at the Flatirons!

No. 2 honors went to Ann Arbor, Mich., for its status as “a bastion of arts and activism.” Hey, what about our Dairy Center and BMoCA and the Colorado Shakespeare Festival? What about the Dushanbe Teahouse and Zip Code Man? What about the Naked Pumpkin Run?

As for activism, is Ann Arbor boycotting Burma? Well, are they?

So what did Daily Beast have to say about us? “The town’s libertarian bent pops up on everything from nude streaks to International Cannabis Day,” it says.

Aha! There’s proof that they mucked up their research. It’s not a “libertarian” bent we’re known for, after all, but a “liberal” bent — something quite different.

Just ask any Libertarian.

Look for The Daily Beast to run a correction any day now.

Sisters of Dogma

You might not be a Catholic, but if your insurance company requires you to use Exempla Good Samaritan Hospital or Exempla Lutheran, you might be forced to live like one — at least when it comes to big decisions regarding your health.

Due to a nightmarish confluence of monetary and management issues, both hospitals will be under the control of Kansas-based Sisters of Charity by the end of the year. Barring a miracle of biblical proportions, thousands of Kaiser patients and others will be stuck following Catholic health policies or seeking health care somewhere else.

It goes without saying that abortions will be out of the question, even in cases where the fetus is nonviable, i.e., dead on arrival. Hey, it’s OK for women to suffer needlessly, right? But other services will be yanked away, as well.

Rape victims taken to these hospitals will no longer be able to receive emergency contraception or information about ending rape-induced pregnancy. They’ll have to get this essential health-care information — and the prescription itself — from some other facility.

Women who had hoped to have their tubes tied will be screwed. This is especially unfortunate for women who have C-sections. Rather than simply getting the procedure done when their bellies are already cut open, they’ll have to go through another invasive surgery. Men who want vasectomies will be out of luck, too. Thanks for nothing, Sisters.

Want to be taken off life support or to have your father’s feeding tube removed, per his wishes? A living will is going to matter less to this organization than the Pope’s latest edict on the subject.

Our health care ought to be up to us, not a bunch of nuns, no matter how compassionate they believe they are.

Brown bows out

His majesty, former CU President and Congressman Hank Brown, is retiring from his faculty position at the university.

The former CU student body president returned to his alma mater to humbly assume the reins in 2005, heroically rescuing it from the football scandal and the Ward Churchill controversy that had occurred under former CU President Betsy Hoffman. Since Hoffman’s departure, the CU presidency has been held by Republican powerhouses who are not academics and who don’t always have the faculty’s best interests at heart.

Brown swooped in after Hoffman and began collecting accolades for cleaning up that liberal mess in Boulder, including signing off on the firing of Churchill, despite the fact that the majority of CU faculty on the three committees that investigated Churchill recommended a sanction other than dismissal.

Fact is, despite his self-deprecating humor and soft-spoken humility, those who worked closely with him attest to the fact that he is one of the few people who can truly get away with pissing on your head while making you think it’s raining.

Maybe that’s why he’s so effective.