Dear Dan: I love that you use the term “cocksucker” only in a non-pejorative way. I don’t know if you’ve said so explicitly, but I imagine your aim is to remove its negative connotation. As the owner of a cock, I think cocksucking is WONDERFUL! Therefore, cocksuckers are wonderful as well. There needs to be more cocksucking in this world! Following your example, I am trying to use the term only in its literal sense and only in a positive light. Do you have a good substitute word for a person one is not pleased with?
— Changing Language Is Terrific
Dear CLIT: How about “kochbrother,” CLIT? Same number of syllables, same explosive/percussive “K” sound at the start, same “er” ending — and our democracy (and our environment) would be a lot better off if there were more cocksuckers out there and fewer Koch brothers.
Dear Dan: I would like some clarification. Does my situation fall into the “when it’s okay to have an affair” category or am I just looking for you to absolve me of guilt? I got divorced a year ago, and I’m 100 percent focused on being a mom during the time my son is with me and helping him through the divorce transition. I met a man who has been married for 20-plus years and I’m having an affair with him. He and his wife spend all of their time taking care of their adult disabled son. He said they have nothing in common but caretaking. He’s never said anything bad about the wife except they’ve grown apart and he can’t (or won’t) leave because of their son. It works for me because he’s the most incredible lover I’ve ever had and he doesn’t bother me or demand attention when I’m busy being a mom. I do have strong feelings for him but no expectation of him leaving his wife to be with me. Does this meet your “okay to cheat” criteria?
— Loving Isn’t Always Really Simple
Dear LIARS: Indeed it does, LIARS. Your situation, in fact, is a good example of the kind of affair people rarely hear about and advice professionals pretend don’t exist, i.e., the affair that saves a marriage and improves the lives and lots of everyone involved, whether directly or indirectly. Your marriage is over, of course, but you’re getting your sexual needs met by someone who doesn’t distract you from your son’s needs. And the time your lover spends with you — the intimacy, affirmation, and release you provide him — has doubtless helped to make him a kinder and less resentful companion/partner and a better father/ caretaker. Here’s hoping your lover’s wife is getting the kind of sanity-preserving intimacy, affirmation, and release she needs, too — whether sexual or in some other form.
Dear Dan: I’m a straight twentysomething woman. I recently gave my partner a blowjob. He was enjoying it, obviously, and then he said, “I’m feeling brave. I want you to finger me.” I have never fingered a man before, and he has never suggested that he might be into that, so I was caught off guard. I responded, “But we don’t have lube!” He didn’t say anything, and I finished him off without fingering him. He hasn’t brought it up since. He is a manly man and conservative. I want him to be able to experience that if it’s something he wants to experience, but I don’t know what to say!
— 2 Prod Or Not 2 Prod
Dear 2PON2P: You don’t have to say anything. Just buy a little bottle of lube — not a full-size bottle (most of those look like giant cocks, and we don’t want to scare this manly man to death) — and set it on the nightstand. When he notices it, 2PON2P, smile and say, “That’s for the next time you’re feeling brave.”
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