I visited Halifax, Nova Scotia, last week — for my geographically illiterate fellow Americans, Halifax is the biggest city on Canada’s Atlantic coast — to help celebrate the 20th anniversary of the founding of the Coast, Halifax’s kick-ass alternative weekly newspaper. The paper brought me to town to do Savage Love Live. I took questions for two hours in the auditorium of a brand-new Halifax high school that has a full bar. (First you have socialized medicine, and then marriage equality, and now bars in high schools — what’s not to love about Canada? Oh, right: Stephen Harper, tar sands, porn laws.) The place was packed, the audience was rowdy and things got dirty. Here’s a selection of Halifax’s questions and my answers:
Current celebrity crush?
Jorge Mario Bergoglio.
My boyfriend broke up with me 10 times over the last two years. But this time, he says he’s committed. Am I stupid?
You may or may not be stupid (impossible to tell from a short question written on a green index card), but you do meet a popular-if-somewhat-annoying-but-sometimes-eerily-accurate definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again — doing this boyfriend of yours over and over again — and expecting different results. Tell him this chance is his last, and don’t take him back a 12th time.
My partner is obsessed with Shania. He’s gay. Is this normal?
It’s gay normal. Sometimes it’s a Shania, sometimes it’s a Cher, sometimes it’s a Gaga or a Madonna or a Rihanna. My gay husband is currently obsessed with a Katy Perry. Maybe you and I should start a support group?
Married straight lady. My husband recently told me that he is bisexual. I couldn’t imagine something hotter! But he is also EXTREMELY monogamous. Suggestions? I want to have fun with this!
Strap-ons — like the ones they sell at Venus Envy, Halifax’s education-oriented sex shop and bookstore — are fun. Or, hey, you could push your husband to adopt the “gay normal” definition of monogamy: If you two have threesomes only with each other and one additional hot bi guy, then all your threesomes are EXTREMELY monogamous.
Will you tell us about your first sexual experience?
%u2028What ground rules should be set for a friends-with-benefits situation?
The most important ground rule: Be friends. Too many people are pointedly unfriendly to their FWBs because they don’t want their FWBs “getting the wrong idea,” i.e., they don’t want their FWBs to think they might be interested in something more serious. The result? Lots of FWB situations are all B and no F. No friendly gestures (friends sometimes give each other gifts), no friendly assistance (friends sometimes help each other move), no friendly concern (friends are there for each other during a crisis). Don’t want your FWB to get the wrong idea about your intentions? Use your words to tell your FWB that a serious romance isn’t in the cards. Then make a good-faith effort to be a friend to your FWB.
Any plans to retire?
Give up an advice column? No way. It’s too sweet a gig. They’ll have to pry my column from my cold, dead hands just like they pried Ann Landers’s column from hers.
How do I make cum taste better?
“Cum” is not a word. We don’t have three-letter alternate spellings for other four-letter words that have sexual and nonsexual meanings. You wouldn’t write “I know this guy who sucks and he’s a mean dick, but he’s so fucking hot, I want to suk his dik.” So there’s no need to misspell “come” to give it a sexual connotation. The proper spelling works just fine. But in answer to your question: Come is an acquired taste. No one likes Guinness the first time they drink it, right? But soon you’re happily knocking back pints of the stuff. Same goes for come.
Is it true that some men like a finger in the butt during a blowjob?
It is true that some men like a finger in the butt during a blowjob. Some men like two fingers, some like more. Some men like it in the butt generally. How to determine if the man you’re blowing likes a finger in the butt? Take his dick out of your mouth and ask.
What’s the best place to make love?
In the butt. (Individual results may vary.)
Thanks, Halifax, for such a great evening. And congrats to Kyle and Christine and everyone at the Coast on 20 great years!
The new Savage Lovecast season starts Oct. 22 at savagelovecast.com.
Send your questions for Dan to mail@ savagelove.net, and follow him on Twitter @fakedansavage.