Dear Dan: My partner has a hard time dealing with the fact that, before him, I had several casual flings and one-night stands. It has repeatedly caused issues with us. He is disturbed by the vastness of my past and concerned that I am sometimes impulsive. Because of these things, he often feels too scared to move forward in the relationship. In all other ways we have a supportive, fun-filled, and loving relationship — but I wonder if this issue is just too fundamental. I cannot change my past (and wouldn’t even if I could) and I am trying to be less impulsive, but I’m not sure he sees the changes I’m making.
—Partner’s Angst Seriously Troubling
Dear PAST: With apologies to George Santayana: Bros who cannot shut up about your past are condemned to reside in it. DTMFA.
Dear Dan: My boyfriend of three months is great! He’s smart, funny, and attractive — and two weeks ago, we said those three words. My parents like him, my friends like him, and my cat is enamored with him. But that’s where the problem starts. I had some reservations that he was only coming around to cuddle with my cat — which I know sounds crazy — so I disregarded it. Then he told me that he loves sleeping in my bed because of the mattress! He says his mattress at home hurts his back and he feels achy all day unless he sleeps at my place. (I splurged on an expensive gel/foam combination mattress.) I can’t shake the feeling that he is using me for my mattress and my cat.
—Boy Erodes Dame’s Satisfaction
Dear BEDS: Which seems likelier: This smart, funny and attractive guy has been fucking you for three months (and said “those three words” two weeks ago) to keep the gel/foam and literal pussy coming, BEDS, or this guy likes you, he really likes you. Since men can get cats and mattresses of their own, BEDS, my money is on the latter. But you’re right about one thing: Your question makes you sound crazy.
Dear Dan: I was surprised by your advice to CUCK, the gay man whose husband was sleeping with another man who insisted on treating CUCK like a cuckold — sending him degrading text messages — even though CUCK isn’t into that. Why isn’t this a case of someone involving another person in his sex life without his consent? While CUCK has agreed to let his husband fuck another person, he didn’t agree to receive sexually explicit texts from that person.
—Consensual Lovin’ Is Paramount
Dear CLIP: The Other Man (TOM) is fucking CUCK’s husband, CLIP, so TOM is involved in CUCK’s sex life — at the margins, on the edges, but kindasorta involved. When CUCK told his husband he didn’t appreciate TOM’s texts, his husband asked CUCK to play along because it turns TOM on. (I suspect it also turns CUCK’s husband on.) I told CUCK that he should play along only if the texts didn’t bother him. It may have been out of line for TOM to send that first message without making sure it would be welcome (I’ll bet CUCK’s husband, who was there, gave TOM the OK), but it was a party foul at best. And, again, if the texts don’t bother CUCK and he’s willing to play along for his husband’s benefit, I think he should.
Send questions to email@example.com, follow @fakedansavage on Twitter and visit ITMFA.org.