Once again, there’s a tempest brewing in the national tea pot. We’re talking secession! Well, some of us are.
Actually, very few are — and some of them aren’t too tightly wrapped.
There’s now a secession drive in a mess of red states, but it started right here in my crazy state of Texas, when someone identifying himself only as “Micah H” posted a petition on the White House website shortly after President Obama’s re-election. Expressing exasperation with Obama’s policies, Micah demanded that we Texans be allowed to decamp from the Union and become our own, separate nation.
Bam — Micah’s petition exploded in the blogosphere, drawing raucous applause and huzzas! Naturally, most of the cheering came from out-ofstaters, delighted with the thought that Texas and its notoriously nutty, right-wing political leaders might leave. In case that nuttiness factor was in doubt, a GOP official in Southeast Texas rushed out to demonstrate the intellectual depth of the secessionist sentiment by militantly declaring: “We must contest every single inch of ground and delay the baby-murdering, tax-raising socialists at every opportunity. In due time,” he added, “the maggots will have eaten every morsel of flesh off the rotting corpse of the Republic, and therein lies our opportunity.”
By “maggots,” he meant Obama supporters, but I guess you knew that.
Many in the national media have expressed shock and alarm that Micah’s online petition has drawn some 118,000 digital signatures. But, get a grip — let’s remember that there are more than 26 million Texans, including 3.5 million Obama voters. So, sorry America, but Texas isn’t going anywhere. And, even if it did, Austin has already filed a counter-petition to then secede from Texas and operate as its own state within the U.S.
This opinion column does not necessarily reflect the views of Boulder Weekly.