Make an app for that!
Targetmap.com has created a color-coded map that compares penis size from one country to another around the globe. Now, when women and gay men plan their vacations, they can do a little pre-planning based on preference.
According to the data on the map, men in China and Japan measure in at a modest 4.3 inches, while men in India, Thailand and Cambodia offer just 4 inches of fun.
But men in the United States shouldn’t get cocky. They reportedly average about five inches, behind men in Europe, Australia and Russia. That’s right, Russia.
We may have won the Cold War, but we lost the dick fight.
Even Canada, measuring in at 5.5 inches on average, has American men beat when it comes to meat. Perhaps that explains something about the size of American cars.
If you prefer big — and we mean big — head for Venezuela, Sudan or the Congo, where seven inches isn’t uncommon.
Targetmap.com created a companion map that correlates penis size to IQ.
That’s mighty handy if you’re looking for a good time and good conversation.
But what’s missing here is a practical way of making use of this information. Here’s an idea for some enterprising computer geek: Create a travel app that provides this critical data before you buy your plane tickets. Then you know whether to pack large, extra-large or magnum-sized condoms — or whether to grab a handful of those little finger condoms that uptight people use to keep fingerprints off their iPads and iPhones.
To start planning your vacation, go to tinyurl.com/penismap.
Keep beer bucks local
At first glance, it may seem like an awesome, convenient idea to be able to pick up regular instead of unleaded beer and wine at King Soopers or 7-11. But we’re having second thoughts.
Our opposition to the legislation that would allow convenience stores and grocery stores to sell full-strength beer instead of the watered-down 3.2 version has nothing to do with some prehistoric clinging to ridiculous blue laws. We raise our glass to the decision a few years ago to allow liquor sales on Sundays.
The debate boils down to a choice about where we want our money to go. We should ask ourselves, and our local lawmakers, whether we want to support local businesses and keep dollars within our community or pour more cash into the corporate coffers of a chain store. Do we want to buy our beer and wine from locally owned and operated breweries, wineries and liquor stores or from the national behemoth grocery and convenience store chains?
Some might argue that giving people yet another reason to do one-stop shopping at a SuperTarget will create more jobs locally, but we B-Dubbers are skeptical. Besides, we’re on a bit of an independent, self-sufficiency kick these days, and the idea of being employed by a local company sounds better than being subject to the whims and follies of a huge chain store in another state, where strings are pulled by CEOs based on the value of shares on Wall Street.
We encourage people to buy local, and most of our breweries, wineries and liquor stores are owned locally, not by some gargantuan chain based in Pleasanton, Calif.
So while it might be tempting to pick up your ale or chardonnay at Safeway along with the diapers and vitamin C, we should be walking the talk. We should be taking the extra steps we preach — patronizing our local artisans, whether they are brewing our beer or our coffee.
Now that’s bad luck
You might think misfortune follows you around, but consider the case of Zahrul Fuadi. This guy barely escaped the horrific 2004 tsunami in Aceh, Indonesia, by fleeing the deadly wall of water on a motorcycle.
So he moved somewhere nice and safe, like Sendai, Japan, to complete his doctorate at Tohoku University.
Then came the recent 9.0-magnitude earthquake and tsunami in Japan, and Fuadi also escaped harm.
Let’s keep a careful eye on where this guy moves to next.
Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com
