Ladies and gentlemen, the new era of high-class weed buying is on the horizon, making it so you would no longer have to leave your house and stand in line like a peasant. Never again would we have to bribe our Hungry Buffs driver to stop at a dispensary. We could live in a future where weed and breadsticks are delivered to our door within 5 minutes of each other — what an amazing world! That’s right, legal medical and recreational weed delivery could be coming to Colorado.
Democrat Rep. Jonathan Singer worked on a bill with Republican Sen. Tim Neville to create a marijuana delivery pilot program. House Bill 1092 would allow a state-licensed delivery provider to pick up medical or recreational marijuana products from a licensed dispensary and deliver the products to ID-bearing registered medical marijuana card holders or adults 21 years of age or older at a physical address. License holders would have to adhere to certain security and tracking measures; limits imposed on the amount of product in a vehicle; health and safety standards; as well as training requirements. If it passes, three Colorado cities will be allowed to hand out up to 15 delivery licenses to dispensaries.
A similar bill was proposed last year in the state legislature, but failed. Sponsors are hoping this time around will be different. The bill is scheduled for its first hearing on Feb. 7 in the House Finance committee. If passed, the state could start issuing licenses on Sept. 1, 2018.
Honestly, it’s about damn time. How did Amazon delivering Whole Foods via drones become a thing before Colorado legalized cannabis delivery? I’m a millennial, so naturally I dislike any activity that forces me to look away from my phone and interact with other people. That’s why I usually wear headphones while grocery shopping, so I can just get what I need and get out. Buying weed is just another errand on my to do list, but it’s such an involved process of going to an ATM to get cash, going through security and then waiting for a budtender to take you into a backroom. The whole process becomes even more time-consuming when you’re in line behind a bunch of chatty tourists with a million different jokes and questions. So unless it’s your first time ever stepping foot in a dispensary, buying weed is a pretty mundane experience.
Soon you’ll never have to remove yourself from Netflix mode. And it’s going to be so much better than in high school when you would have to do the 10 minute obligatory hangout with your dealer. This should be a brief money-for-drugs exchange. If I used my phone to order exactly what I want, I don’t need a passionate description of the agricultural origin of my weed. Don’t chat me up about my evening plans or your side business. I’m not interested in what my dealer is doing when they’re not selling me weed. The only shame is that our children will never know the pain of calling a sketchy guy with a burner phone to make plans to buy a bag of shake in a 7/11 parking lot.
