Finally, some good news. A study published in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology found that moderate drinking correlates to a 21 percent overall lower risk of premature death.
Given that the whole country, and possibly world, has been forced into moderate drinking since oh, say, January 20 at 10 a.m., there was a collective sigh of relief heard ‘round the world, followed by the sound of cans popping, Champagne bursting and Jack Daniels glugging.
Now of course it seems like a study extolling or denouncing alcohol consumption comes out more often than a white supremacist takes a tiki torch from his mom’s backyard hydrangea garden, but come on, we need this. Drinking is the only way to cope with the fact that our president is a white supremacist and people are OK with that in 2017. Thanks, American College of Cardiology, your heart is truly in the right place.
The study also found (we hope, we didn’t read the rest of it) that the more pizza we eat, the less Trump will be president; that if we spin around and say “Reince Priebus” three times in a mirror, it’ll activate a chip implanted in Trump that calls for him to return to the sea; and that, incidentally, consumption of pomegranate juice reduces inflammation.
Do the tears of liberals taste like wine? ATF Party time!
Because some things cannot be improved upon, we are running the following press release sent us by our libertarian pal Jon Caldara, president of the Independence Institute, in full, just as it arrived. And better than that, some of us are definitely going to attend.
IT’S ATF PARTY TIME!
There are so many things the modern progressive just cannot handle: people choosing their own healthcare plan, educational choice, private property rights. But it’s the little things that might annoy them most, like a man enjoying a cigar they have yet to outlaw, a woman sipping one-too-many martinis, and of course, blowing crap up with a shotgun.
And THAT’S what puts the icing on the trans-fat-filled cake we call our Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms Party. It’s not just that we’re enjoying the perks of adulthood, it’s knowing that so many nannyists (who know how we should live and use government to get us to live that way) would hate that we’re doing it.
Remember, “Every time a clay pigeon dies, a progressive cries.”
And you’ll cry if you miss our little party. We only have 16 spots left!
Click here to see pictures and here to see video from last year!
Join me, US Congressman Ken Buck, Colorado State Senator John Cooke, and nationally-known 2nd Amendment Rock Star David Kopel to shoot clay pigeons followed by lunch, libations, and cigars at the beautiful Kiowa Creek Sporting Club.
Saturday, August 26, 2017, Kiowa Creek Sporting Club, 46700 E County Rd 30, Bennett, CO 80102, 7:30 am – 1:30 pm (Shooting runs from 8:30 am – 11:30 am)
Help us gun for freedom at our ATF Party!