Cut it out, Disney
Once upon a time, Walt Disney Studios was a dream factory for little kids, producing classic films and cartoons filled with magic and imagination. Then one day they decided, screw it, let’s harvest all our old cartoons and just turn them into live action films. Hooray!
Hence comes Walt Disney Studio’s announcement earlier this week that they were working on a remake of the 1994 classic The Lion King.
This film comes off the heels of this summer’s star-studded, live action The Jungle Book, which had a budget of $175 million and went on to make more than five times that amount with $965.8 million at the box office. We’re not 100 percent sure how that happened, since the trailer was just a montage of celebrities as creepy, computer-generated animals (Christopher Walken as a giant gorilla? That’s the stuff of nightmares).
But basically Disney is just printing money without trying (i.e., any big corporation’s business goal). And they have plenty more money to look forward to with plans for a live action Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid and completely unnecessary sequel to The Jungle Book. (Great, more Christopher Walken gorilla nightmares.)
The only silver lining to be gleaned is that hopefully Disney will make a live-action Mickey Mouse movie. We’ll be taking bets on which will be the most terrifying cartoon character come to life. We’re thinking it’ll be a three-way tie between Mickey, Donald Duck and Goofy. No matter the winner, it’ll surely be a hit.
Time to herd cats
Have you ever seen a cat being walked down the sidewalk on the street and thought, “Well, that’s ridiculous”? Or have you ever seen a stray cat wondering in the alley and thought, “Well, that cat should be on a leash”?
If the first scenario is more your style, then stop thinking about moving to Kenai, Alaska. If the second scenario rings true for you, consider moving to… Kenai, Alaska.
Due to increasing resident complaints about free roaming cats, Kenai City Councilmembers are considering expanding the local animal-restraint ordinance to include feline pets. If it passes, the ordinance will require all Kenai dwellers to “restrain” their cats by means of leash, fence or building. Nevermind the age-old adage, “it’s like herding cats.” There’s a reason that expression means an impossible task. We can see it now. Not only will cats in Kenai still be roaming free, the non-cat owning citizens will start complaining about the plethora of humans running through neighborhoods, back alleys and streets with leashes in their hands, tearing out their hair trying to catch their feline friends before being slapped with an ridiculous fine.
And to think, we were just talking in the Boulder Weekly office about how much cheaper cats are to care for. They are independent, can let themselves outside, don’t need to be walked, hardly get into any mischief. Here goes that theory. Maybe we should go into the cat accessory business, creating a new line of cat “restraints” that are both cute and meet the utmost requirements of the law.