ICUMI (in case you missed it)

An irreverent and not always accurate view of the world

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You can’t do that on television, erm, we mean YouTube

We’ve all been there. Maybe it’s April Fools, maybe it’s their birthday, but a good-natured practical joke on your kids is usually a bonding moment between both parties. But apparently tormenting your own kids in private isn’t good enough for some parents.

YouTube personalities, aka people who have too much time on their hands, “DaddyOFive” and “MommyOFive” are known for their “prank” videos, many of which show the parents yelling profanities at their crying children, laughing at them and occasionally physically abusing them. Well, the parents (aka Mike and Heather Martin) learned the hard way that maybe you shouldn’t post some things online. The couple temporarily lost custody of two of their children, with the biological mother of the kids receiving emergency custody. Who could have seen that coming?

In an effort to look more “human,” the couple took to Good Morning America where MommyOFive said, “We love our kids. They’re the most important thing in the world to us.” Right. Sure. And hey, if they can berate them and then post the video online for internet fame, what better way to show your children love… and then guarantee them a lifetime therapy subscription.

Now we can all agree these parents are despicable, but what about the people watching the videos? The series of videos somehow racked up millions of views with more than 750,000 subscribers… Oy vey.

We vote there’s only one way to permanently nip this in the bud: Shut down the internet forever. See, this is why we can’t have nice things.

Wikimedia Commons/Rennett Stowe

What would you do?

Lord knows we need to raise awareness about endangered species. And by whatever means necessary. But how far would you be willing to go? Would you live on icebergs to personify the plight of the polar bear? Would you swim across the Atlantic to give birth in solidarity with the sea turtle? What about restrict yourself to a diet of bamboo to demonstrate the cuteness of a panda bear or survive a winter on the Great Plains to represent the black-footed ferret? Would you attempt to live near oil and gas development to experience life for the greater sage-grouse? Would you?

Well, a London police officer has completed a rare (if not unique) feat in order to raise money for declining gorilla populations in Rwanda and Uganda — he crawled the entire length of the London Marathon in a gorilla suit. Spending 10-12 hours and traveling up to 4.5 miles per day on his hands and knees, or hands and feet, it took him seven days to cross the finish line. His knees were blistered, but his spirits were high. He stood up on his feet for the first time and beat his chest. The gorillas thank you, sir, and we do too.