WITH LOVE, MICHELE
“Deck the hands with guns of folly fa la la la, la la la.
’Tis the season to pose with firearms fa la la la, la la la.
Don we now our pistols and rifles fa la la la, la la la.
To celebrate Jesus and the Second Amendment fa la la la, la la la.”
This holiday tune might have been playing in the background of Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore (R)(Duh) Christmas card shoot. Dressed in matching red shirts and jeans, Fiore’s family poses with the most essential holiday accessory: guns! (It looks like she got a killer Black Friday deal at Guns’R’Us.)
Like an episode of Oprah’s favorite things, in Fiore’s family, “Mom gets a gun!” “Dad gets a gun!” “Grammy gets a gun!” “Little Jake gets a gun!” The only members not packing heat are three infant grandchildren. But hey kiddos, there’s always next year!
In a time when we can barely go one full day without having another mass shooting, it’s comforting that someone like Fiore is here to spread the holiday cheer. And after the shooting in San Bernardino last week, which left 14 dead and 21 injured, Fiore shared some soothing words, urging people to get armed and get trained.
As she said when she shared her Christmas photo on Facebook, “It’s up to Americans to protect America. We’re just your ordinary American family. — With love & liberty, Michele.”
WHAT’S IN A NAME?
Juliet Capulet pondered the significance of a name: “That which we call a rose,” she surmised, “By any other name would smell as sweet.”
And while Juliet came to the conclusion that names are meaningless, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian could not disagree more. On Dec. 5, Kim gave birth to the couple’s second child — a son — and christened him Saint West.
Sources close to the couple say the famous pair argued over what asinine name would sound best with their first-born child’s completely ridiculous name, North West.
“At first, Kanye wanted something regal, like King or Emperor or Grand Poobah,” says a source who asked to remain anonymous due to the point lessness of this news. “Then Ye realized that wasn’t dramatic enough — I mean, the man wrote a song called ‘I Am a God,’ so clearly a name like King wasn’t gonna cut it.”
The source says that Kim stopped caring what they called their bundle of joy after Kanye presented her with her “push present,” a $77,000 black and tigerstriped diamond ring.
Laura Wattenberg, the founder of the baby-name website babynamewizard.com, told Live Science that the name actually follows a national trend.
“Parents are exalting their children more and more today,” Wattenberg said. “The names King, Prince, Miracle and Messiah are all ranking in the top 500.”
Proof, once again, that most pop artists are just taking cues from Michael Jackson.
In all sincerity, we hope that Saint West will lead us not into carbon investments, but deliver us from climate change. Amen.