Mrs. America better for America?


Maybe they figure that with a ring comes less chance of a sting.

That’s right, the Mrs. America Pageant is in its early stages, and is searching for Mrs. Boulder. Mrs. Boulder will go on to compete in the Mrs. Colorado pageant, held in May at the Ellie Caulkins Opera House in Denver.

Mrs. Colorado then moves on to compete for a chance to be Mrs. America. The pageant is now in its 34th year. (For more information, visit www.mrscolorado. com or call 303-593-1199.)

According to a press release, as “the only nationally televised pageant dedicated to recognizing the one person who contributes so much to modern family life,” the Mrs. America pageant features entrants who must be married.

Considering the problems around the once-prestigious Miss USA pageant — Miss California’s naked pictures this year, Miss Nevada’s racy images floating around the Internet in 2007, Miss USA admitting to underage drinking in 2006 — maybe married women are the way to go. Safe. Reliable. In an I-won’t-takenaked-pictures-of-myself-and-postthem-online kind of way.

“While beauty is the key element in the competition,” the release continues, “Mrs. Colorado contestants are also urged to voice their opinions on marriage and important issues of the day.”

Hopefully, when those opinions on marriage are voiced, they don’t spark another fiasco similar to what Miss California 2009, Carrie Prejean, started after she spoke out against gay marriage during the Miss USA 2009 pageant. “I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman,” was the phrasing, to be exact. (This is the same Miss California who had the naked pictures, by the way, and another scandal entirely, involving the pageant allegedly paying for breast augmentation. She had a busy year.)

We think there should be another key element in the competition: If you’re going to put yourself in this type of contest, please be prepared to have your closet’s skeletons say hello to the world.

Though, in this case, we think the worstcase scenario may be a few leaked pictures of Mrs. Boulder breastfeeding.

And we can’t help but feel bad for all the divorcees out there. When’s the ex-Mrs. America pageant going to get rolling?

Rhyme in the New Year

What’s the phrase? I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it?

Well, U.S. Rep. Jared Polis, from Colorado’s 2nd Congressional District, is. Maybe he knew it — after all, your mom is a poet, Rep. Polis. Oh, burn. (But for real, she is. Susan Polis Schutz even has her own Wikipedia page.)

Members of his electronic mailing list found in their in-box last week his inclusion of two poems designed to “make the update more interesting.” It was interesting, to be sure.

One, “2009,” sums up the past year, and another, “Remaining Work,” takes a look at the issues he hopes to resolve in 2010.

Listen, Jared: Maybe you had a bit of time on your hands, with a couple weeks off over the holidays. And maybe you were feeling a bit creative, and needed a new outlet now that’s “Freshman Year” — an online reality show, starring you — is over. But you shouldn’t have sent out … Ah, who are we kidding, we can’t help but adore some nuggets you left us, loyal followers of your eNewsletter. Nuggets like:

“We passed several bills / ‘Drink from the public swill’ / to AIG, autos, and clunker owners we said, / And the result, of course: to a higher deficit it led”

Or: “My dear right side is angry / With certain justification / With rage we observe / Rampant disregard for the law of the land / No one guarding, miles of border sand / Bird flus and pig flus (not the kind for a vet) / Our schools overwhelmed, our hospitals overset / Our Laws flouted and violated, / Our border security degraded, / Without insurance, without taxes, without existence under the rules / Why does our policy this invasion fuel?” You’ve set the bar, Rep. Polis. From now on, our eyes will anxiously await your next update, searching for your next stanza.