No oral; Worship fetish; Men’s feet

Dan Savage
LaRae Lobdell of

Dear Dan: I’m a straight woman in my early 30s, and I just don’t like receiving oral sex. I love giving blowjobs and can orgasm from PIV sex, but I seem to be one of the few women who don’t enjoy guys going down on me. I’m not uncomfortable with it, but it doesn’t get me off. I also get wet easily, so it’s not like I need it as foreplay. As I’ve gotten older, and the guys I sleep with have gotten older, it seems like most want to spend a great deal of time down there. I’ve tried being up front about not liking it in general, but guys either get offended or double down and do it more because they assume I’ve never been with a guy who “could do it right.” Any ideas on how to handle this?

— Needs Oral Preference Explainer

Dear NOPE: The observation you make regarding older straight guys — older straight guys are more enthusiastic about going down on women — is something I’ve heard from other female friends. They couldn’t get guys to go down on them in their 20s, and they can’t get guys in their 30s and 40s to stop going down on them. (SF, above, is clearly an outlier.) The obvious solution to your dilemma, NOPE: Only fuck guys in their 20s.

Dear Dan: Fan from Sweden here! Question: My fetish has no name. It is a “worshipping” fetish, for want of a better term, where I am the one being worshipped. Not by one man, but all men of the earth. The worshipping itself, while sexual, is not bound to my body parts. It would be great to have this named.

— Lack Of Vocabulary Enervates My Experiences

Dear LOVEME: A year ago, I would’ve diagnosed you with “caligulaphilia,” LOVEME, after the Roman emperor Caligula, who considered himself a living god, and -philia, the go-to suffix meaning “abnormal appetite or liking for.” But these days, I’d say you were suffering from a bad case of “trumpophilia.”

Dear Dan: I am a 26-year-old guy and I have an overwhelming foot fetish. I cannot help but think about the male foot every hour of every day. I often find myself pushing boundaries with attractive male friends and acquaintances to satisfy my urges, which has caused me a lot of stress and anxiety. I’m obsessed with the idea of offering some of my friends and acquaintances foot massages, but I just don’t know how to bring up the subject, given my mixed experiences. A lot of people think of foot rubs as intimate and believe they should be restricted to romantic relationships. While I’ve been lucky on very random occasions, I’ve had some fuckups. I asked a gay friend whether he would like a foot massage, but he declined — and while he was polite about it in the initial exchange, he has since ignored me. I asked a straight guy, and he considered it but never followed through, and I feel weird about asking him again. I told another straight guy who was shocked that I would ever ask him such a thing, but he still talks to me and makes light of the incident. Whereas another guy unfriended me on Facebook after I messaged him and told him I liked his feet. What should I do? Is there a proper way to ask to rub someone’s feet? It’s not like I’m asking to suck on people’s toes.

— Crazed About Lads’ Feet

Dear CALF: You remind me of those straight guys who send unsolicited dick pics to women they barely know — they don’t do it because it never works, they do it because it works on rare/random occasions. But you have to ask yourself if those rare/random instances when an attractive male friend allowed you to perv on their feet — the handful of times you’ve gotten a yes — are worth the sacrificing of all the friendships you’ve lost.

Foot rubs are a form of intimacy, particularly when performed by foot fetishists, and you’ve gotta stop pestering your hot friends about their feet. There are tons of other foot fetishists out there — most male, loads gay, tons online. Go find some fellow foot pervs and swap rubs with them.

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