Panties; Jealous; Butt plugs; Porn

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Photo credit: Rachel Robinson
Rachel Robinson

Dear Dan: A woman I follow on Instagram — whose account is open for all to follow — shares highly sexualized images of herself daily, e.g., pictures of her at the beach, pictures of her when she’s just waking up, pictures of her in a towel after a shower. Via direct message, I politely inquired about purchasing a pair of her used panties. She sent me a very rude note in response and then blocked me. I find this hypocritical, considering the highly sexualized nature of the photos she posts. She reads your column, something I know because she posted a photo of one, and I am writing to you in hopes that you will scold this woman for being so hypocritically prudish and also ask her to unblock me.

— Personally Hurt Over This Occurrence

Dear PHOTO: She may be a reader, PHOTO, but you’re clearly not. Because I’m on her side, not yours, which any regular reader could have predicted. Someone sharing photos of themselves at the beach, in bed, out of the shower, etc., doesn’t entitle you to their panties any more than someone sharing photos from their colonoscopy entitles you to their turds. There’s no shortage of women online selling their panties, PHOTO, direct your inquiries to them.

Dear Dan: I think you got things wrong with CUCKS, the man whose husband got upset when he reacted with excitement when his husband shared a fantasy about sleeping with another man. I think CUCKS’s husband got upset because he only wanted more attention from his husband. Maybe CUCKS’s husband fantasizes about cheating because he wants someone to want him intensely and he doesn’t feel his partner wants him intensely enough. Telling his partner about his fantasy may have just been an attempt to get his partner to show some emotional intensity.

— Tuesday Morning Advice Columning

Dear TMAC: If you’re correct, TMAC, I would advise CUCKS to dump his husband — because who wants to be with someone who plays those kinds of mind games? A person who lies about having a particular fantasy and then shames or guilts their partner for having the wrong reaction isn’t a person worth sharing fantasies with, much less a life.

Dear Dan: What are your favorite uses for the butt plug besides putting it in your own butt or someone else’s butt?

— Fun Faggy Question

Dear FFQ: They make lovely paperweights, FFQ, and perfectly proportioned pacifiers for adult babies. But at our place, we use decommissioned butt plugs to play cornhole — which is a beanbag toss game that became popular in the Midwest some years after I moved to the West Coast. (It’s true. Google it.) When I was a kid, we were instructed to run from drunk uncles at family picnics who suggested a little cornholing before dinner. But that was then.

Dear Dan: My husband looks at porn… porn of women with a body type almost the polar opposite of mine… Example: big boobs and tattoos… Does that mean he’s no longer attracted to my body? I’m so confused… He says I’m hot and sexy, but what he looks at does NOT make me feel that way.

— Personally Offended Regarding Nudes

Dear PORN: Is it possible your partner is attracted to… more than one body type? Example: Your body type and its polar opposite?

And if your partner were looking at porn that featured women with your exact body type… would you feel affirmed? Or would you be writing to ask me why your husband looks at porn of women with your exact body type when he can look at you? And is your husband sharing his porn with you… or are you combing through his browser history? Either way, PORN, if looking at what he’s looking at makes you sad… maybe you should stop looking at what he’s looking at? And if he’s not neglecting you sexually… if he isn’t just saying he finds you hot and sexy but showing you he does… why waste time policing his fantasies?

People enjoy what they have and fantasize about what they don’t. So long as we don’t take what we have for granted… it’s not a problem… unless we decide to make it one.

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