Private dungeon session?; Mismatched schedule; Bigioted inlaws

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Photo credit: Rachel Robinson
Rachel Robinson

Dear Dan: My boyfriend wants to visit a private gay sex dungeon in Europe this summer but we only want to play with each other. Any tips on getting to play in an actual dungeon without having to put out for the guy whose dungeon it is?

— Requests A Curious Kinkster

Dear RACK: Put Berlin on your itinerary, RACK, google “SM Apartments” or “Hoist Basements,” break out your credit card, splurge and send pics.

Dear Dan: My wife and I are newlyweds. My wife wants sex two to three times a week, which matches up perfectly with my desires. But her desire for sex peaks around 3 to 5 a.m. She’s a morning person with insomnia, and I’m a night owl and a heavy sleeper. She’s tried to wake me up for sex, and my unconscious self has rejected her multiple times (I never remember this). When I do wake up, the half-conscious romps we have aren’t really satisfying. My sexual desire peaks midday and after work when I have more energy to have sex or come up with a fun bondage scene. But when she gets home, she usually has a series of chores or projects that take up all her attention.

— Insomnia Now Suspected Of Making Nights Incredibly Awkward

Dear INSOMNIA: Your wife needs to save chores and projects for 3 to 5 a.m. — provided no power tools are involved — and reserve the early evening hours for romps and creative bondage scenes.

Dear Dan: My husband and I have been together for six years and are quite happy, much to the chagrin of his family. They are Islamophobic, antichoice, Fox News–watching, conservative Catholics. They began writing us letters about how they disapproved of us when we moved in together before marriage. One launched a campaign to break us up because they figured my then-boyfriend didn’t know I was bisexual. (He did, and I’m out very publicly.) They boycotted our wedding because it was not in a Catholic church. They would not come to a party we had because a Muslim friend would be there. They’ve realized that in order for us to even rarely see them, they need to cool it, but they don’t think they have anything to apologize for. After Trump’s election (#ITMFA), I’ve found it difficult to stomach them even in small doses. I grew up Catholic myself and was sent through gay conversion therapy, so I have a visceral reaction to this kind of bigotry, especially when it is directed toward my family of choice. My husband is also appalled by them and always puts us first, but the idea of not retaining a connection to his family of origin hurts him. Do I suffer the occasional visit? Help!

— Shouldn’t Hubby Unload These Outrageously Unenlightened Turds

Dear SHUTOUT: For the sake of your marriage, SHUTOUT, you should suffer the occasional visit — whether your husband sees his family on his own or you’re along for the ride — without punishing your husband for it. Remember: You’re in this together, and private jokes, surreptitious eye-rolls and pot lozenges can go a long way toward making these events not just bearable but (mischievously) pleasurable. And seeing as you’ve already trained his family to cool it by cutting back on your time with them — a strategy I recommend — you can train them to keep things civil, hate-free and non-biphobic by warning them in advance that you will get up and leave if they say anything shitty or unkind to you, about you or in front of you. Then follow through. 

Send questions to mail@savagelove.net, follow @fakedansavage on Twitter and visit ITMFA.org.