The toll of mental health, using more sop, DTMFA and Dan wearing panties

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Photo credit: Rachel Robinson
Rachel Robinson

Dear Dan: I’ve been in an on-again, off-again relationship for the past four years. My girlfriend has an assortment of mental-health issues — anxiety, depersonalization episodes, depression, paranoia, among others — that make it very stressful and tiring to be with her. Despite my best attempts at getting her to seek help, she refuses to take the plunge. Whether it’s a result of her illness or not, she refuses to believe that I actually want to be with her. I do care deeply about her, and the good days are wonderful. But nearly every time we go on a date or have sex, it ends in tears, and I have to endlessly reassure her that I do really want to be with her. I’m exhausted by having to defend my feelings for her multiple times per week and I don’t know what to do.

—He’s Exhausted And Lost

Dear HEAL: There’s only one thing you can do, HEAL: Put this relationship on hold — take it back to off-again status — and make getting back together contingent upon her seeking help for her mental-health issues. You’ve made it clear, again and again, that you want to be with her. By finally seeking help — by actually taking the plunge — she can make it clear that she wants to be with you.

Dear Dan: I have a very sexy German boyfriend, and he is not circumcised. His otherwise beautiful dick is a problem. It smells — sometimes a little, sometimes it really stinks. After he showers, the smell is still there. He says he uses only water. Is there a better way to wash an uncircumcised penis? Can he use some kind of soap?

—Girl Asks Gay 4 Grooming Intervention Near Genitals

Dear GAGGING: Yes, GAGGING, there is a better way: He needs to wash that thing with motherfucking SOAP. If the soap he’s got is irritating the head of his penis or the inside of his foreskin, he needs to try other soaps until he finds one that cleans his dick without causing irritation. And you should make allowing that otherwise beautiful German dick anywhere near you contingent upon him learning how to clean it properly. There’s no excuse for stank-ass dick.

Dear Dan: I’m in a six-year relationship with a guy you will probably deem DTMFA-worthy but I deem round-up-able to The One. My kids already regarded him as their stepdad before we moved in together about eight months ago. That’s when I learned he’s an addict: He drinks, smokes weed, and jerks off to porn for about two hours every day. He has been this way for more than 20 years, and I have zero delusions he will change for me. Recently he told me he has very little sexual desire for me, that he knows my pussy in and out and it’s boring, but he loves my companionship. How do I deal with this so we can move forward together as an incompatible couple?

—Sex Addict Partner

Dear SAP: A romantic partner who says something as cruel and negating as what this man has said to you, SAP, either wants out of the relationship or is grooming their partner for much worse treatment to come. If he wants out of the relationship, the verbal and emotional abuse will escalate until you finally leave him. If he doesn’t want out, the verbal and emotional abuse will escalate a bit more slowly, so that, like the proverbial frog in the pot of boiling water, you don’t realize exactly how bad it’s getting and how much damage it’s doing to you — and your kids.

I know it’s not what you wanted to hear, SAP, but I’m going to say it anyway: DTMFA.

Dear Dan: Do you ever wear panties, Dan? Would you post a picture of yourself in panties online? I think you would look good in panties.

—Panties Are Nice To You

Dear PANTY: While I have no particular aversion to wearing panties, PANTY, and while I will not deny the allure of the models at xdress.com, I’ve never worn panties and have no plans to start. As a consequence, I won’t be able to post a picture of myself in panties online to delight you and horrify everyone else.

Send questions to mail@savagelove.net, follow @fakedansavage on Twitter and visit ITMFA.org.

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