ICUMI (In case you missed it)

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If we can’t kick Him, we’re out.

Every unpopular kid knows what it’s like to have a party and have no one come. Even worse is the feeling that if someone shows up they were forced to be there, by your parents or theirs. It’s an awkward position for both kids.

Well, Trump is gonna feel mighty awkward on Jan. 20. (That is, of course, if he’s capable of feeling human emotion outside of: MONEY = HAPPY, NO MONEY = ANGRY.)

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Dave Kirby/Wikimeda Commoms

The list of people who want to play at President Bozo’s inauguration is short. Miniscule. Tiny. Minute. Petite. Infinitesimal. Teeny. Diminutive. Squat. Stunted. Brief. Let us put it this way, it’s small enough to fit perfectly in Bozo’s baby hands.

Trump’s parents… er, we mean his staff, has decided maybe invites aren’t the way to go. Let’s try force!

Recently, reports surfaced that one of the inauguration acts, The Radio City Rockettes, was being forced to perform OR ELSE.

Now sure, they claim it was a “company policy, and then eventually clarified that it wasn’t mandatory, and every dancer could choose whether or not they wanted to kick their legs in front of the orange-faced “grab ’em by the pussy” sycophant. (It is Rockette “company policy” though to not kick the audience directly in the face, which is why BW turned down our invite to perform at the inauguration.)

But this “company policy” business seems suspicious to us. Who’s to say Mike Pence didn’t stop on in Radio City Music Hall and grease a few choice lines into those contracts? Who’s to say Russia wasn’t involved?

Between Kid Rock and two or three Trump-loving Rockettes, the presidential inauguration will surely be the event of year.

Racing toward 2017

For most of us, it feels like 2016 started with one step forward, but is ending with two — or maybe even a hundred — steps back. We lost some of the definitive, barrier-busting and inspiring greats of our time: David Bowie, Prince, John Glenn, Gwen Ifill, Gene Wilder, Thomas Hayden, Elie Wiesel, Muhammad Ali, Alan Rickman, Harper Lee… the list goes on. The optimism Bernie Sanders’ campaign for president brought in January ended in the rise of populism in Europe and the U.S., while Syria descends deeper into chaos. And what started with the hope as world leaders signed the COP 21 Paris climate agreement, is ending in despair as the list of pro-oil and gas pundits nominated to President-elect Trump’s cabinet grows.

As the year comes to a close, it feels as though the hare is bragging to the tortoise about how fast he could run. And as we stand at the starting line of 2017, the rabbit’s confidence is nauseating.

But let’s not forget how the story ends — a story which was recently proven at a pet expo in Thailand. A tortoise and a hare were matched up in racing lanes, prompted by their owners to go when the buzzer foot off. While the tortoise put one step in front of the other, the rabbit raced ahead, then stopped, turning his head side to side, basking in the praise of the cheering crowd. While he was distracted by his own self-prescribed glory, the tortoise crossed the finish line first.

The fate of 2017 is really up in the air, however, if we’ve learned anything from the tortoise and the hare, it’s that although life may not appear fair, we can still win if enough people care.   

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