ICUMI (In case you missed it)

An irreverent and not always accurate view of the world

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Joel Dyer | Boulder Weekly

Today’s stupid decision is…

Another day, another remake of Idiocracy inside the Trump White House. No, he isn’t irrigating crops with Gatorade… yet. But he is subjecting all of us to danger with similarly stupid and harmful ideas.

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Question: Which U.S. border has had more terrorists cross it to get into the United States?

Answer: The U.S./Canadian Border

Question: Which arm of the national security apparatus has thwarted more attempted terrorist attacks than any other?

Answer: Airline security

Question: What has been the most used and powerful weapon of terrorist’s attacking the U.S.A?

Answer: Airplanes

Question: So what does Donald Trump — our current real-life president who seems hell-bent on outstupiding the former fake-wrestling champion president from the film Idiocracy, think we should do to stop terrorism?

Answer: Cut funding for airport security and the Coast Guard so we can build a wall on our southern border with Mexico.

That’s right, President Dick Head is about to spend $40 billion of taxpayer’s money to build a wall that will make no one safer from anyone. But instead of Mexico paying for the wall as he promised, the big orange feces blimp is going to take the money away from the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), the U.S. Coast Guard and who knows where else to pay for it.

Consider this very real headline from this week’s news: “TSA stops passenger in Raleigh-Durham from boarding plane with two loaded guns.” Now think what that headline could have been. “Commercial jet kills thousands of innocent victims while president builds his stupid effing wall with airline security’s funding.”

It makes about as much sense as selling all the guns belonging to the U.S. military in order to buy more bullets. In truth, it makes about as much sense as irrigating the nation’s crops with Gatorade while we all starve. If only this were a bad comedy we could just turn off.

Now we feel safe

This is a dangerous world. But fortunately, our government spy agencies have figured out a bunch of ways to keep us safe.

They collect all of our emails and phone calls. That’s right. They collect and store every single one from every single person, but they promise not to ever look at them unless they get a valid warrant from some secret court that the public can’t know the location or activity of. Feel safe yet?

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Don’t worry, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. WikiLeaks has now released documents showing us how the CIA can now spy on us by watching us through our TVs, computers and entertainment systems in our cars. Wow, how safe is that?

Not only can they spy on us everywhere — can’t wear those holey underwear anymore — they can help us drive. That’s right, the new docs show how they can hack our cars and take control of our steering, breaks and stuff like that.

Just think how they could have helped Rolling Stone journalist Michael Hastings. You remember him, right? He’s the reporter who was critical of mass surveillance by our government. Just 12 hours before he died he told friends he was onto a gargantuan story about such matters and that the government was watching him and that his life was in danger. And then coming back from a secret meeting with his source in the middle of the night on an empty road, his car suddenly accelerated for no reason and made a hard turn into a tree, killing him. Boy, if only the CIA could have hacked his car and steered it straight for him. We would sure have liked to have heard the story he was working on.