in case you missed it | Every sperm wasted


Every sperm is wasted

Israeli scientists might just have found the contraceptive Holy Grail — an injection for men that is 100 percent effective in preventing pregnancy. The injection apparently eliminates a protein in sperm that is essential for conception, thereby “deactivating” them long before the money shot. Although they make it into a woman’s body, they’re powerless to do anything in the new neighborhood other than wander around.

Unlike previous attempts at a male contraceptive, the injection doesn’t have the side effects of mood swings and loss of libido that men on hormonal birth control have experienced. And that’s a really good thing because who wants men with PMS? Besides, what’s the point of contraception if it leaves you limp?

Male mice given the drug reportedly continued to behave normally, eating and screwing, but without producing baby mice. When the drug left their systems, they once again became fertile and had no problems adding to the mice population.

This is great news for men who want to have control over when they start paying child support and for women who can’t tolerate hormonal birth control. Imagine a world where men get a shot every month or two and no pregnancy is unplanned. Not only could it be a huge help in the effort to control overpopulation, but it would give women, who’ve shouldered the contraceptive burden thus far, a much-needed break.

Keep an eye on the pie

Former lobbyist Jack Abramoff is now spreading the sauce in a different way.

Abramoff, who was recently released to a Baltimore halfway house after serving more than three years for fraud, corruption and conspiracy, is working in a local kosher pizzeria. Apparently, staff at the halfway house got to choose Abramoff ’s job for him, and we think they chose well.

We’d like to see a few others get handed some menial work to humble them a bit, like the CEO of BP, who has said he wants his “life back” and recently jaunted off to see his yacht race in England.

We think cleaning raw sewage out of septic tanks for a while might be appropriate for him.

As for Abramoff, they just have to be sure he doesn’t steal the dough.

Hold this

When Apple head honcho Steve Jobs was quoted last week as saying, “Just avoid holding it in that way,” we weren’t sure at first what he was referring to.

Kind of reminded us of that grandmotherly advice beginning women golfers get on their grip: “Hold it like you would a man’s penis, dear.”

Turns out, Jobs was talking about the new iPhone 4, which apparently loses signal strength when you hold it.

Pretty major design flaw, wouldn’t you say? Call us crazy, but don’t most people still hold their phones when talking on them?

The problem is especially severe when the phone is held at the lower left corner. When a customer had the gall to complain, Jobs issued his curt response.

Just don’t hold it that way? How about you just don’t charge me hundreds of dollars for a phone that loses its already crappy AT&T signal when I pick it up?