Full steam ahead for the pot train

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Alright, America, a bunch of you folks will be voting on marijuana issues in a few weeks and we thought it was time to sum up some of the larger issues on the ballot.

In Colorado, Amendment X will give us locals a chance to define “hemp.” Presumably, whatever we come up with will replace the current definition, which is “that plant you thought was pot in Nebraska that you filled your trunk with only to find out you could smoke a pound of it and still pass the ACT.”

Michaganders will go to the polls to pass or defeat Proposal 1, which sounds more like a vodka brand than a piece of potential legislation. If it passes, Proposal uno would let adults 21 and over buy, have on their person or in their car, or otherwise possess and use marijuana in the light-it-up and edible forms. Michigan residents would also be allowed to grow up to 12 marijuana plants for personal consumption, which means all those crazies in the upper peninsula will have to get rid of a few plants.

This prop would also create a 10-ounce limit for marijuana kept at your home pad and require amounts over 2.5 ounces be kept in locked containers. Two things on that last part. First, we predict a new cottage industry with cool lock boxes covered in old Fillmore Theater art. And second, why do you have to lock up your pot when it’s OK to leave your assault rifle on the floor of your kid’s nursery? Just sayin’, there’s a lesson in there somewhere.

Our friends in North Dakota are taking a more Libertarian approach to weed. If locals pass Measure 3, it will create a new section to the state’s constitution uninspiringly called chapter 66-01. What ol’ 66-01 will do is first define marijuana and marijuana paraphernalia. We can’t wait to see those definitions from the same folks who came up with 66-01 as a title. Bongs will be heretofore known as pipe-like fixtures containing a chamber for liquid. All kidding aside, Measure 3 will get rid of all the penalties for people over 21 when it comes to selling, growing and using marijuana. The only thing that can get you in trouble is putting it in the hands of a minor. It’s refreshing to see a state not working overtime to turn pot into a revenue stream to justify its legalization.

The Show Me State, aka Missouri, has taken the make-it-all-as-hard-and-complicated-as-you-can approach. You have to vote for Amendment 2 or Amendment 3 or Proposition C.

Right?

All of these ballot measures pertain to medical marijuana, and while it’s good to see Missouri trying to crawl into the 21st century, a skeptic might think all these confusing measures with their varying tax rates, etc. are a trick to sink the whole darn thing. Call us skeptics.

In Utah, another bastion of progressive thought, Proposition 2 also concerns medical marijuana. In a state controlled by a religion that scares even other religions, it should come as no surprise that passing this baby would let the state decide which illness are worthy of being helped by medical cannabis. What could possibly go wrong?

The whole state sitting around in pain waiting for a prominent Mormon to get their particular malady so they can go into that secret room they got in that big ol’ fancy building and come out and declare it’s now OK for that disease to be added to the list… sort of like they did with black people.

Shouldn’t give them such a hard time, at least it’s a start.

There are others but time and energy prevent us from doing too much all in one sitting.